The Bloody Red Carpet

Madame de . . . / (The Earrings of Madame de . . . ) - Movie Review

2007-03-16T14:20:00.001-07:00

Madame de... / (The Earrings of Madame de . . . ) (1953)

Max Ophüls, for some ungodly reason has rarely received the international fame and recognition of a Hitchcock, Ford or even Welles. Certainly his claim to being one of the great auteurs of the twentieth century is on par with all three giants. He shares a love of fluid tracking shots with Hitchcock, a solid sense of composition and tight narrative flow akin to Ford. And like Welles, his deliriously cinematic oeuvre runs to a relatively low output of films – each one as memorable as the chubby boy geniuses.

For the lucky cinemagoers in the tri-state area, his 1953 masterpiece, “Madame de . . .” has been revived at Film Forum in a lovely new print courtesy of Janus Films. The original title is “Madame de . . .” and for the purposes of consistency, we are sticking with that one! (The English title seems far too concerned with a plot device and not the heart of the film.) “Madame de . . .” is set in the demimondaine realm of the Parisian aristocracy. We meet Madame de . . . (her full name is never revealed in one of the films many clever bits) as she rummages through her expansive wardrobe searching for a pair of earrings that she has decided to sell in order to help chisel away at her substantial debt. A debt that she obviously owes to hundreds of furriers, milliners and dressmakers throughout the finer neighborhoods of Paris. Seriously kids, this bitch can shop with the best of them.

“Madame de . . . " is a movielovers dream for various reasons. First, its sumptuous production values that provide a view into a lost world of manners and civility that frame the social canvas for this elegant comedy of errors. The Madame and her husband, the General exist in an echelon of Paris that is reserved for impeccable manners, wit and wordplay that belie their very carnal desires simmering underneath. Wherein today’s cinema we might encounter a cheating spouse and cuckolded husband, in Ophüls’ world, sex is reduced to a mutual understanding between consenting adults that seems at first to be less important than issues of mutual respect, trust and keeping up appearances.

Flirting is encouraged, affairs are tolerated, but falling in love and lying about it are cause for dueling. It is a world where affairs of the flesh are less volatile than affairs of the heart. Once Madame de has entered willingly into her ‘folie a deux’ with a dashing diplomat, her fate is sealed. Their erotically charged dance of love is evocated in a series of waltzes from various parties and bal masqués that blur into one deliciously ripe setpiece filled with lust, admiration and comic asides. It is a justifiably famous sequence made more so by the caliber of its players.

As Madame de, the legendary Danielle Darrieux shimmers in her Belle Époque finery. At first, petulant and incorrigibly haughty, she seems incapable of betraying anything besides her wardrobe. For here is a woman who drifts along on the caprices of fashion, without ever bothering to observe the mysteries that lie underneath. As the game of love proceeds to its inevitably complicated finale – she will learn that the costs of betraying her husband, her lover and worst of all, her own soul will leave her morally bankrupt.

The eternally debonair Charles Boyer is simply superb as le General. His military bearing and training carry him through the routine ordeals of such an oft played courting ritual, but his unwavering sense of honor prevent him from admitting defeat in the face of his wife’s genuine shift in affections. Not that the General is beyond reproach. We witness his frightfully formal and altogether polite discarding of a mistress who has fallen out of favor early in the film. Her dismissal is all the more ripe with irony since the General has decided to bestow a parting gift on the teary eyed tramp, the earrings that his wife has sold in order to maintain her lavish lifestyle. How the earrings will return into his wife’s possession and their ultimate fate we leave up to the viewer to witness.

The Baron is portrayed by one of cinema’s other great directors. The fact that Vittorio De Sica helmed such masterpieces as: “Shoeshine”, “Bicycle Thieves”, “Umberto D.” and “The Garden of the Finzi-Continis”; along with slightly lesser but equally memorable films like: “Miracle in Milan”, “Indiscretion of an American Wife”, “Two Women”, “Yesterday, Today and Tomorrow” and “Marriage, Italian Style” – and was able to act as well as he does in “Madame de . . .” seems an obscenely rich overabundance of talent. His Baron is more than the catalyst for the lead couples’ marital meltdown. Gallant, dashing and passionately devoted to his new found inamorata, he in many ways has the most difficult role to eschew. Typically lovestruck dupe is hardly the stuff of great performances. Which makes De Sica’s charming and effortless turn all the more appreciable.

Ophüls’ attention to detail rivals Von Stroheim’s notorious obsessive compulsiveness. As elegant, soignée and ephemeral as the cinematic playground of “Madame de . . .” might seem, the consistency of design and largesse of visual riches involves us completely. Every frame seems suitable for framing. But this is not merely a pretty painting come to life. While some fools have accused Ophüls of swimming in his operatic camera movements, they fail to see that nothing escapes his eye. The physical world of Madame de is as important as her psychological one.

“Madame de . . . “ is a portrait of three adults who act nobly throughout an ignoble scandal. While the earrings of the English title act as a metaphor for love – lost and found, it is merely the conduit and not the heart of the movie. The heart lies within Ophüls enchanted lens. In the textures, the atmosphere, the music and the movement of his unstoppable camera. He sweeps the audience away into a dreamlike state, where we begin to feel the same intoxication of love that overwhelms Madame de, in one of her many fainting spells.

Rarely has a film been met with such universal acclaim. Andrew Sarris names it his choice for “The Greatest Film of All Time”. His arch-nemesis Pauline Kael once called it “perfection” and “romantic, seductive, and at times, almost hypnotic”. Roger Ebert claims that “Madame de . . .” is “one of the great pleasures of the cinema”. For a true movielover, there can hardly be better reason to rejoice, than to be able to see this glorious vintage film flickering across the silver screen once more. Stop what you’re doing and go see it. Now! Bless you all!

(Endnote: One final parting thought on this masterful piece of moviemaking that bridges the all too contentious ports of art and entertainment: for all the DVDs, videos, internet movie downloading and zillion cable channels out in today’s markets, the films of Max Ophüls are still criminally overlooked. Only one, his brilliant final masterpiece “Lola Montès” is currently available on DVD. And people have the unmitigated gall to protest the war in Iraq. Here is the real crime against humanity! Write your congressman/woman and demand the release of Ophüls greatest works onto DVD today!)

Directed by Max Ophüls
Screenplay by Marcel Achard, Max Ophüls and Annette Wademant
Based on the novel by Louise de Vilmorin

Starring
Charles Boyer as Général André de . . .
Danielle Darrieux as Comtesse Louise de . . .
Vittorio De Sica as Baron Fabrizio Donati
Jean Debucourt as Monsieur Rémy
Jean Galland as Monsieur de Bernac
Mireille Perrey as La Nourrice
Paul Azaïs as Le premier cocher
Josselin
Hubert Noël as Henri de Maleville
Lia Di Leo as Lola
Madeleine Barbulée as Une amie de Madame de . . .
Charles Bayard as Un convive
Jacques Beauvais as Un majordome
Gérard Buhr as Le douanier
Jean Degrave as Le clubman
Claire Duhamel as La demoiselle de compagnie
Guy Favières as Julien
Émile Genevois as Un soldat
Serge Lecointe as Jérome Rémy
Franck Maurice as Un témoin
Max Mégy as Un domestique
Daniel Mendaille as Un passant
Albert Michel Le second cocher
Robert Moor as Un diplomate
Georges Paulais as Le premier témoin du duel
Léon Pauléon as Un huissier
Colette Régis as Vendeuse de cierges
Louis Saintève as Un passant
Michel Salina as Un témoin
Germaine Stainval as L’ambassadrice
Jean Toulout as Le doyen du corps diplomatique
Roger Vincent as Le second témoin du duel
Georges Vitray as Vieux reporter
Léon Walther as L’administrateur
René Worms as Un convive

Cinematography by Christian Matras
Film Editing by Borys Lewin
Costume Design by Georges Annenkov and Rosine Delamare
Original Music by Oscar Straus and Georges Van Parys
Production Design by Jean d’Eaubonne
Makeup by Carmen Brel

The Wind That Shakes the Barley - Movie Review

2007-03-16T14:20:00.000-07:00

The Wind That Shakes the Barley (2006)

“I sat within the valley green, I sat me with my true love
My sad heart strove the two between, the old love and the new love
The old for her, the new that made me think on Ireland dearly
While soft the wind blew down the glen and shook the golden barley”
- by Robert Dwyer Joyce

Is Ken Loach the best unheard of director working today? Well, according to the numerous international film awards he’s received over his four decades long career, he very well might be. Beginning with his startling feature length film debut in 1967, the wonderfully unsung “Poor Cow” (Well, unsung by all save Steven Soderbergh who dared to make a sequel of sorts some thirty two years after, the very underrated “The Limey” which we think is one of Steven’s best. Go rent both!), Ken Loach has dared to dwell among the bottom feeders of modern moviemaking subjects – the working man. Throughout the years, he has tackled issues of poverty, racism, politics, abuse, alcoholism and all around nasty bits of everyday life that most folks would rather see swept under their Ikea rug than plastered onto their neighborhood movie screen. And so, for most moviegoers, Mr. Loach has escaped the fame and notoriety of legions of his less talented compatriots. Pity.

While the movie masses may return empty stares at the sound of his name, Ken Loach has certainly not escaped the eyes and ears and thunderously clapping hands of his peers, critics and international film festival panelists who have awarded him the top honors at the Berlin International Film Festival, the British Independent Film Festival, the César Awards, the European Film Awards, the French Syndicate of Cinema Critics, the Karlovy Vary International Film Festival, the Venice Film Festival and of course his handsome showing at the prestigious Cannes Film Festival where seven of his movies have earned laurels and in 2004, he walked off with the 30th Anniversary Prize of the Ecumenical Jury for his entire body of work! (And Lord knows when it comes to Film Festival juries, the Ecumenical Jury at Cannes is our favorite. For their name alone.)

His latest film to win the top honors at Cannes, has finally arrived, almost a year after its win. Nice. A bloody fucking year of sitting through crap like Disneyfied pirates and Chevy Chase remakes. Frigging film distributors. In any event, we are thrilled to report that the wait has been well worth the honor of sitting in a darkened theatre and watching “The Wind That Shakes the Barley”, Loach’s look at the Irish fight for independence from England.

Cillian Murphy, who might very well be the most talented actor of his generation (he has our vote after his brilliant and varied turns in “Breakfast on Pluto”, “Red Eye”, “28 Days Later”, “Batman Begins” and “Cold Mountain”), headlines the period piece as Damien O’Donovan, a budding young doctor who is planning on furthering his studies in England until one too many encounters with the thuggish “Black & Tan” goons leads to a moral awakening. He realizes that his beloved country and mates need him more than the British medical establishment.

He decides to take the fateful step of joining the Irish Republican Army, alongside his brother Teddy, played by one fine doorful of a man by the name of Padraic Delaney . . . whew! (That’s it, pack our bags, we’re County Cork bound!)

Together with assorted mates and roughs, including the very fine actor Liam Cunningham as the elder statesman of the group, Dan, the Irish rebels launch small but keenly felt attacks against the bullying Brits that are terrorizing their countryside. And terror is indeed the word. For daring to speak in their native tongue of Gaelic qualifies one poor sod to a beating so brutal it snuffs the life out of him. The message is clear: the Irish are nothing but second rate animals in the eyes of the British army.

Now, while other directors may have focused on the epic struggle for freedom through the eyes of a legendary historical figure like Neil Jordan did in “Michael Collins”, Ken Loach approaches the material with his trademark viewpoint of the working man. In this case, the two brothers who will come to symbolize the divided nation’s internal bickering between the degrees of freedom they will eventually receive for their sacrifices.

“The Wind That Shakes the Barley” is an extraordinarily powerful film in its brilliant use of subdued violence. Not that there is a lack of bloodshed here, but rather it is not the focus. While we never see the vicious beating given to the young lad who refused to speak in English, we are made more than aware of the horrible aftermath. The scenes that do contain exchange of bullets are mercilessly swift and punctual, as if to mirror the tactics of surprise and efficiency on the part of the IRA. This is a film that longs to depict violence as abhorrent, rather than sensual.

There are many reasons to enjoy “The Wind That Shakes the Barley”. The uniformity of fine performances, in particular from Murphy, Delaney and Cunningham. The fine use of the rural Irish landscape to frame the bloody fight for freedom. While Loach’s approach never ventures too far into Malick territory, the lushness of the Irish green and the quiet villages that dot the horizon offer a curiously becalming setting for a tale of guerrilla warfare. While we’re not recommending that every film focusing on warfare be set inside a picture postcard, it does honor the history as well as provide brief shelter from the storm.

A storm of righteous indignity against their second class citizen status, which causes great heartbreak amongst the clan when they are forced to turn on their own. If ever the absurdity of war lent itself to a storyline, this is it. For how does one engage in guerilla warfare without endangering the lives of innocents? An impossible situation. For every step they gain against the Brits, they are forced to sacrifice an ally or member of their support network.

But Loach is not satisfied with merely depicting their brave struggle for emancipation. The film reaches a midway point that is startling in its shift of attitudes and pacing. For suddenly, out of the blue the British seem to have acquiesced to their demands. A “Cease Fire” has been declared and Ireland earns the right to be recognized as the Irish Free State, consisting of twenty six of its thirty two counties. The only catch was, that England retained the right to govern them and every Irishman had to swear an oath of allegiance to good King George V!

Hardly the stuff worth dying for, in Damien’s eyes. His brother Teddy however, seems to recognize that this might be all they could hope for under the Empire’s firm grasp. And so, brother goes to war against brother as Damien returns to the rebel forces and Teddy joins the newfound Irish military, under the rule of England. It is here that the film falters, but thankfully never completely falls. For in discussing the various political angles, machinations and complexities; Ken Loach’s famed improvisatory manner with dialogue and actors sells the movie short. Briefly! In order for us to accept that brother would fight brother at this stage of the game, it would have required a beautifully scripted scene that could handle the emotional as well as the historical divide. Sadly, there is not. What we get instead is a series of truncated complaints and declarations of wounded pride that may feel emotionally honest on the part of each actor, but do little to strengthen their position in our minds.

Thankfully, the film will recover once it continues its well crafted depictions of warfare, this time with the required emphasis on the interpersonal. As Damien and Teddy plunge headfirst towards their inevitable doom, we are carried along on the crest of their passion and fortitude. We care for these men, and their shattered relationship. The ending more than earns its tears and bloodshed, even if it had to struggle up that final hill. We encourage you to see “The Wind That Shakes the Barley”, whether it is for the obvious parallels to the present day world warfare culture or to take a slice of history home with you. A bloody and oft times painful slice to swallow, but a decidedly cinematic one. Bless you all!

Directed by Ken Loach
Written by Paul Laverty

Starring
Cillian Murphy as Damien
Padraic Delaney as Teddy
Liam Cunningham as Dan
Gerard Kearney as Donnacha
William Ruane as Gogan
Kieran Aherne as Sweeney
Roger Allam as Sir John Hamilton
Laurence Barry as Micheail
Sabrina Barry as Julia
Frank Bourke as Leo
John Crean as Chris
Máirtín de Cógáin as Sean
Keith Dunphy as Terence
Orla Fitzgerald as Sinead
Kiernan Hegarty as Francis
Myles Horgan as Rory
Bill Hurst as Major of the British Army
Damien Kearney as Finbar
Fiona Lawton as Lily
Martin Lucey as Congo
Mary Murphy as Bernadette
Shane Nott as Ned
Mary O’Riordan as Peggy

Cinematography by Barry Ackroyd
Film Editing by Jonathan Morris
Original Music by George Fenton
Costume Design by Eimer Ni Mhaoldomhnaigh
Production Design by Fergus Clegg
Art Direction by Michael Higgins and Mark Lowry

Beyond the Gates / (Shooting Dogs) - Movie Review

2007-03-16T13:46:00.000-07:00

Beyond the Gates (Shooting Dogs) 2005

Hey, kids! Want to see a good movie about the Rwandan genocide? Anyone? Wait! Where are you going! Sigh. Well, we’ll tell you about it anyway. “Beyond the Gates” (Originally titled “Shooting Dogs” in the U.K.) is the latest flick to tackle the steamy political milieu surrounding the atrocities that occurred in Rwanda in the mid-1990s. As we now know, ‘cause Don Cheadle told us so; roughly one million Rwandans were slaughtered based on their ethnic background. Who wouldn’t want to see another movie that deals with that fun topic?
Now, before you backclick away from us, and log onto your preferred porn site please take a moment to consider the reasons to go see this movie.

1. Michael Caton-Jones. The Scottish born director who helmed the marvelously entertaining “Scandal” in 1989, dealing with the media circus surrounding the legendary “Profumo Sex Scandal” of London’s Swinging Sixties, is also responsible for the absorbing adaptation of Tobias Wolff’s “This Boy’s Life”, featuring blistering turns by Robert De Niro, Ellen Barkin and a very young Leonardo DiCaprio; as well as the solid costume epic “Rob Roy”, which had the gross misfortune of being released the same year as “Braveheart”. Apparently moviegoers only had the time and energy for one Scottish history lesson that year, and they picked the wrong one!

2. John Hurt. The elder statesman of British character actors has been charming audiences and impressing the critics since his early days in the Oscar winning “A Man for All Seasons”. A veteran of both “Scandal” and “Rob Roy”, as well as a double Oscar nominee for his beautifully etched supporting turn in Alan Parker’s scalding “Midnight Express” in 1978; and for his lead role as John Merrick in David Lynch’s “The Elephant Man” in 1980. Mr. Hurt has over one hundred film roles to his credit, and rarely has he been less than convincing, and often quite brilliant. He is that rare breed of actor who can scale the heights of melodrama with scenery chewing delight and scale down his performances to a grandly eloquent turn. As he does here with his perfectly honed turn as the parish priest who finds himself in charge of hundreds of refugees fleeing the ethnic cleansing of the murderous Hutu militia.

3. Hugh Dancy. This baby faced beauty, has been slowly creeping up the glory clutching ladder of young turks to carve his name into the short roster of young actors to be watched. And while we can think of severely scenarios that we’d like to watch young Mister Dancy in, they usually involve Baby Oil and arm restraints. Thankfully his strong turns in Ridley Scott’s “Black Hawk Down”, the mini-series adaptation of George Eliot’s “Daniel Deronda”, and his Emmy nominated role as the Earl of Essex opposite her majesty, Helen Mirren in “Elizabeth I” have earned him respect for his acting chops as well as for his finely chiseled chin. Ahem.

4. The message. Since, the earliest days of flickers – film has often looked to history and some of its darkest passages for its source material. Whether we are being asked to open our eyes to social injustices, the horrors of war or mankind’s eternal commitment to inflict pain upon each other; screenwriters and directors have often tackled subjects that do not scream “Fun Night at the Movies”. But, one must still ask the question - why? For surely, besides the inevitable Awards attention and the feeling of contributing to a “cause”, the subject matter is typically smothered in routine melodramatics or worse, painfully disparate genre theatrics.

The best films containing a political or social message are the ones that manage to impart the horrors of reality, while simultaneously telling a cinematic story that doesn’t undercut the truth or drown the subject in a miasma of false theatrics. In other words, damn few movies.

“Beyond the Gates” works beautifully when it dares to show the depths of depravity mankind is capable of committing. Friend turned into enemy, the limp and all too transparent rationale behind the political decisions, the cost of sacrificing one's beliefs. While “Hotel Rwanda” focused on the heroism and bravery of one lone voice amidst the bloody storm, “Beyond the Gates” throws its lens onto the atrocities that were allowed to be committed when the West turned its collective gaze away from the bloodshed.

The setting is the Ecole Technique Officielle in Kigali, a real school where the fictional Father Christopher played by John Hurt and one of his young teachers, Joe Connor portrayed by Hugh Dancy are forced to deal with the horrors when thousands of refugees show up on their doorstep as the killings begin. For as the Hutu militia begin to hack away at the populace with rusty machetes, a small troop of Belgian representatives of UN peacekeepers defends their base at the Ecole and attempts to keep the peace behind the gates.

As the food begins to run out, and disease and panic start to overtake the refugees – the fear of an all out attack by the gathering hordes of Hutus becomes very real. A fear that will grip the refugees and cause them to risk their lives in attempting an escape. It is a horrible moment, when the Hutu descend in a bloodthirsty rage and massacre the few dissenters a few yards from their protective barrier. A moment that painfully foreshadows the remaining refugees inevitable fate.

What this film does manage to do quite well is to depict the painfully blunt order of events that led to the genocide. We watch through young Joe’s eyes as his charmingly rustic town, where he has chosen to help the “underprivileged” begins to fester with ethnic hatred. He runs into a reporter chum who has witnessed the first stirrings of violence and learns of the racial vitriol between the Hutu and the Tutsis. His awareness of the political situation is reflected in Father Christopher’s awakening to the spiritual depravity of his neighbors. Both men are made to reexamine their beliefs in the good of mankind from opposite perspectives. One will learn that “good intentions” are not enough to overcome monstrous obstacles and the other will learn that “faith and trust” are not enough to forgive or to forget acts of violence.

While we can sit back and admire the directorial flair of Caton-Jones, the leading man skills of Hugh Dancy and the quiet grace of John Hurt in one of his better roles, the focus will remain on the horrible acts of cruelty. The final moments after the departure of the UN troops is devastating. We watch as the life saving trucks filled with refugees speed off in a dust cloud, and a Hutu leader yells out for the “work to begin”. The camera remains stationary as the Hutu gunmen and machete wielding murderers cry out with their bloodthirst and begin to run towards the barricades. The screams of the refugees are all that are needed to understand their final fate.

While the coda that follows the massacre may tie up the final bits of storyline, and attempt to rationalize the abandonment of a doomed nation – it doesn’t suffice. We all know deep down in our hearts and minds, why this happened. The Rwandan genocide happened because the West chose to ignore the deaths of hundreds of thousands of innocent lives. Their skin color, their poverty, their lack of any potentially money making resource for outsiders to exploit dug their collective graves. In the history of mankind, there has never been a “just cause” that propelled a powerful nation to liberate a desperate people from bloodshed. Mighty nations have always invaded other countries in the name of money or power, and never for humanitarian reasons. A simple and painful fact.

As simple and painful as the end credits that reveal some fascinating facts behind the making of this movie that we will leave for the viewer to experience. All we can say is that it is astounding in its ability to hammer at your emotions.

And so dear readers we are faced with the daunting task of recommending a fine British import that dares to expose the still fresh scars of the civilized world’s most recent embarrassing blunder. But, hey, you can all just relax and opt not to see this film. After all it might actually get you to donate money, or call your senator or develop a conscience. Who knows? And if not, you can always wait five or ten years when Reese Witherspoon stars as a plucky gal reporter opposite Ewan McGregor as a lovestruck medical worker in Darfur. You know, once that whole thing has quieted down and we can enjoy a nice watered down version that won’t force us to actually think about it. Bless you all!

Directed by Michael Caton-Jones
Screenplay by David Wolstencroft
Story by Richard Alwyn and David Belton

Starring
John Hurt as Father Christopher
Hugh Dancy as Joe Connor
Claire-Hope Ashitey as Marie
Dominique Horwitz as Capitaine Charles Delon
Nicola Walker as Rachel
Steve Toussaint as Roland
David Gyasi as François
Victor Power as Julius
Musa Kasonka Jr. as Boniface
Kizito Ssentamu Kayiira as Pierre

Cinematography by Ivan Strasburg
Film Editing by Christian Lonk
Original Music by Dario Marianelli
Costume Design by Dinah Collin
Production Design by Bertram Strauß
Art Direction by Astrid Sieben
Set Decoration by Dagmar Wessel

300 - Movie Review

2007-03-09T14:03:00.000-08:00

300 - (2007)

Ye Gods! Where to begin? When we first heard about Zack Snyder adapting Frank Miller and Lynn Varley’s “graphic novel” (COMIC BOOK, JUST SAY IT!) version of the legendary Battle of Thermopylae – we admit we were excited. After all, we were fans of Mr. Snyder’s energetic and witty remake of George A. Romero’s “Dawn of the Dead” . . . yes, you read that correctly. It is one of the few remakes of a “classic” flick that while it may not have surpassed the original, certainly didn’t denigrate it. Although, we must pause to ask ourselves if it is possible to denigrate a Zombie movie, moving on.

We were certainly fans of that humpy piece of Scottish ass, Gerard Butler who was hired to portray the brave King Leonidas and once we saw the making of featurettes that began to crop up on the internet, we were sold! Woo-hoo! Large, muscley, sweaty men in leather jockstraps, flowing capes, pummeling the shit out of each other! What’s not to like?

Well, the short answer is everything. Here is a film that plays it so close to the source material, which we must remind you is a comic book, that it is absolutely trapped underneath the static rhythms of that pulpy genre. Now, faithful readers will recognize that we have nothing against a comic book flick, if they are made with a sense of style and vigor. In particular, we enjoyed the last Frank Miller derived piece, the neo-Noir stylings of “Sin City”. But Noir is such a visually expressive film genre that relies on the interplay of light and shadow; it could withstand its reduction to the equivalent of storyboard panels. History is quite another matter entirely.

For those of you under the age of 2,500, the Battle of Thermopylae has captured the minds of history buffs, military strategists, earlier filmmakers and pencil necked geeks since its truly awesome occurrence. As Xerxes’ innumerable forces descended upon the Grecian peninsula, roughly 300 of Sparta’s best soldiers gathered together with equally sparse neighboring armies to fend off the juggernaut of the Persian armies. They failed. But not before their names would be written on histories pages as some of the bravest and most devoted soldiers to have set foot into sandal. Despite their small numbers, they ravished the Persian armies before being betrayed by a fellow countrymen and ultimately succumbing to their bloody fate. A fate that would inspire their fellow Greeks to take up their mantle and finally drive out the invaders.

All of which should make for a great and grand tale of bravery, fighting the odds and heroism . . . and all of which is washed down the sepia colored drain of this miserably overwrought movie. Zack Snyder has opted to drench the film under the weight of CGI dross that ultimately depletes the movie of any sense of scope or pageantry. We simply never believe this movie is any deeper than a rough sketch. The invading armies appear to be leftover scenes from a handheld video game. While CGI continues to evolve, bringing with it the promise to capture untold “other worlds” scenarios, it will never replace the physically awesome sight of a landscape filled with actual participants. One glance at the thundering hordes streaming across the tundra in Sergei Bondarchuk’s 1968 version of “War and Peace” simply dwarfs the present day competition.

All of which could be forgivable if the film did not dare to venture forth into the heretical. The political arena. Now, to be fair, Mr. Snyder has gone on record as refuting any political overtones. Well, he is either blind to his own directorial vision or a damn fool. To make a film about Persians invading Greece, and to portray the Greeks as white bread muscle boys and the enemies as dark skinned degenerates is tantamount to declaring your membership in a neo-Nazi support group. Throw in needless declarations of “manliness” on the part of the Spartans and taunts and epithets of “boy lovers” and “mystics” to the opposition, and you’d be welcomed with open arms into any fundamentalist right wing church in the country.

“300” is the epitome of negligent filmmaking in a time of war that not only manages to insult the current day political atmosphere, but to deny the complexities of the reality of war. This film may go down in history as the most blatantly obtuse piece of war propaganda since John Wayne’s “The Green Berets”, made at the height of the Vietnam War.

While the cast may have certainly earned their bravery marks in the unearthly training sessions that produced such heaping mounds of abs, one wishes they had spent some time in acting classes. Gerard Butler may cut a dashing figure as their good King Leonidas, but his posturing and eardrum piercing habit of shouting each of his lines in monosyllabic grunts is off-putting to say the least. His fellow Spartans run the gamut of swarthy to sweaty, without ever breaking out of the phalanx of forgettable. Replace one churlish lout with the next, and the codpieces all blur into one.

Not that the remainder of the cast fares any better. Lena Headey seems to be channeling Lesley-Anne Down syndrome as Queen Gorgo, a woman more interested in the complicated crinkle of her garments than the thought of losing her husband, leader and city. Up until now, we had no idea it was possible to be out-acted by a CGI pillar.

As the duplicitous Theron, the normally attractive Dominic West is buried under makeup meant to project “menacing”, and begins to resemble a garden gnome. His idea of exuding sinister amounts to acting with his rubberized forehead and spitting out his dialogue with all the polish of an amateur porn star.

And speaking of porn, there is absolutely no excuse to what has been done to Rodrigo Santoro in the role of Xerxes. Arriving on a gilded litter meant to evoke Elizabeth Taylor’s entrance into Rome, bejeweled and pierced over every orifice and slathered with more kohl and Light Egyptian than Hedy Lamarr in “White Cargo”, he is instantly a creature to be pitied rather than feared. No wonder the Spartans scoff at this otherworldly ponce. It seems impossible that this would be the man who laid waste to civilizations with his legions.

It seems more likely he is the cinematic offspring of Maria Montez and Persis Khambatta.

“300” may pretend to focus on the stylized visuals, and chest thumping testosterone antics of the main storyline but it is undone at each turn by the trivialization of its source material. Surely one of the most famous battles in mankind’s history deserves better than music video graphics slathered over a troop of shaved glistening hardbodies.

This is a history PowerPoint presentation filled with images from an all male strip club. Even gay porn versions of gladiator games have the good sense to include a “Money Shot”.

Has there ever been a “Sword and Sandals” epic ripe with such empty graphics? It was bad enough when the Spartans encounter their slain brethren crucified en masse upon a giant tree, and all we could think of was the poster design for Stephen Sondheim’s musical, “A Little Night Music”.

But nothing could prepare us for the mind numbing scene wherein King Leonidas ventures forth to a mysterious Oracle, guarded by a leprosy ridden caste of acolytes. While her contorted gyrations are meant to evince a liquid like state of mysticism, all it achieves is an anthropomorphic lava lamp quality.

Ultimately, that is the grand failure of “300”. For a film that is being lauded for its alleged creativity, it is decidedly bereft of anything original. Its sets and costumes seemed culled from central storage. The acting is wooden at best and laughable at its worst moments – of which there are multitudes. It’s difficult to decide who is worse, Butler as the one note posturing leader, or Headey who is practically asleep throughout her scenes. And why bother with a subplot of betrayal and greed when the masses of pimply geeks all came to see the big boys play with their CGI toys? A mock game of honor that makes us yearn for the days before “The Matrix” popularized the painfully trite slow motion blood spurting that has pitiably dominated every action flick in recent memory. The tale of the Spartans that inspired “300” will thankfully live past this films moment of infamy. Do yourselves a favor and go read Herodotus instead. Bless you all!

Directed by Zack Snyder
Screenplay by Zack Snyder, Kurt Johnstad and Michael B. Gordon
Based on the graphic novel by Frank Miller and Lynn Varley

Starring
Gerard Butler as King Leonidas
Lena Headey as Queen Gorgo
Dominic West as Theron
Rodrigo Santoro as Xerxes
David Wenham as Dilios
Vincent Regan as Captain
Michael Fassbender as Stelios
Tom Wisdom as Astinos
Andrew Pleavin as Daxos
Andrew Tiernan as Ephialtes
Giovani Antonio Cimmino as Pleistarchos
Kelly Craig as the Oracle
Eli Snyder as Leonidas, age seven
Tyler Max Neitzel as Leonidas, age fifteen

Cinematography by Larry Fong
Film Editing by William Hoy
Original Music by Tyler Bates
Costume Design by Michael Wilkinson
Production Design by James D. Bissell
Art Direction by Isabelle Guay, Nicolas Lepage and Jean-Pierre Paquet
Set Decoration by Paul Hotte

The Host / (Gwoemul) - Movie Review

2007-03-09T13:13:00.000-08:00

Gwoemul / (The Host) 2006

When Bong Joon-ho’s “The Host” premiered at last year’s Cannes Film Festival, it sent that infamously jaded audience out into the night screaming accolades. The advance word of mouth has been stellar, with many comparing this modern day monster flick to the seminal seventies shocker “Jaws”. Well, one can hardly accuse the movie marketing gurus of underselling. Thankfully, “The Host” turns out to be a delightfully thoughtful and well executed entry into the movie monster genre. And while comparisons with “Jaws” may at first seem hyperbolic, we found enough parallels to begrudgingly agree.

For both films dealing with underwater behemoths terrorizing the local populace knew one vital piece of information in selling a great monster movie. Focus on the characters, earn our sympathies and then let them face their greatest fears in the guise of the otherworldly creature and let ‘er rip! The premise for “The Host” is beautifully laid out in the opening scene which does the unthinkable; it introduces the monster in the first few minutes of the movie.

We meet the Park family, a disjointed band consisting of an elderly riverside kiosk owner, his seemingly ne’er-do-well son, his studious and feisty granddaughter and his daughter who turns out to be an Olympic level archer. The grandfather gripes about his son’s narcoleptic tendencies and slacker status while he busies himself with doling out snacks and toys to the residents of Seoul who choose the park by the river Han to sunbathe and relax.

Unbeknownst to them, a sin against nature has occurred months earlier when an American military pathologist orders a Korean subordinate to dump a small warehouse full of toxic formaldehyde down the drain into the Han water system. Before you can cry “It Came from Beneath the Sea”, the chemicals have done their awful duty and produced an aberration in the form of a mutated water creature that is equally at home lumbering across the land to ingest helpless bystanders.

The two worlds intersect as the Park family find themselves in the center of the creature’s first foray onto land. It rampages across the riverside denizens, squashing several, ripping others apart and finally and horribly for the Parks, runs away with their youngest held captive in its slimy appendages. The groundwork has been laid for a roaring good yarn!

While a shocked populace struggles to understand what could have birthed such a creature, the Parks discover a new sense of family in their outpouring of grief. We knew we were in for a good time at the movies, with the hysterical antics of the grieving scene. A makeshift shrine to the lost victims is the stage for a ridiculous reunion of sorts between the Park siblings, now joined by their booze guzzling brother as they claw the turf and howl at the injustice of their beloved daughter / niece / granddaughter perishing in such a horrendous manner.

Their grief quickly turns to fear as they and others are carted off to a segregated facility by the military who is attempting to squelch any spread of an alleged contagion brought upon by the mysterious creature. While in medical seclusion, the unthinkable happens. The slacker dad receives a cell phone call, from his missing child! It turns out that the creature has opted to save her for a snack and has unceremoniously dumped her in a large sewer underneath Seoul’s winding streets.

The race is on to rescue young Hyun-seo, before she is gobbled up by the foul beast. But by now you must be thinking, what is so special about “The Host”? Well, we’ll tell you dear readers. “The Host” is so far above your typical monster flick in its complete dedication to making us care for a family already in tatters prior to disaster striking. By layering their various storylines into the search for their youngest, Bong has dared to make a horror flick with a heart and he pulls it off masterfully.

For while the various individual storylines are none too surprising: we’ve seen the “dysfunctional family” scenario one too many times, he does show quite the knack for incorporating them into his amazing set pieces. From the creatures first attack, the focus is aimed low at the terrorized bystanders and their flight to escape the monster’s various drooling mouths. The camera sits tightly on the foreground, capturing the young Hyun-seo’s disbelieving panic as she is lifted high into the air and taken away to her doom.

Later, when she is forced to fend for herself in her sewer / cage, she will find amazing levels of inner strength and courage to help maneuver her escape attempts. Attempts that are made all the more necessary once she finds herself in charge of a similarly abandoned child that the creature has dumped alongside her. Their storyline forms the heart of the film’s various threads, which leads up to a pay-off that is equally tense and surprising.

This is where “The Host” really shines. In taking the initial set-up of a brave and hearty crew standing up against the big bad, and turning it on its ear slightly by allowing the family’s relationships to drive the action. We care about the slacker father finding his strength and resolve to rescue his child. We think we may know how the aunt’s archery skills will come into play, but surprises abound in this clever screenplay.

And the direction! Sublime in it’s ability to focus equally on the horrific and the everyday. Several set pieces are absolutely stunning in their composition and execution. The grandfather’s bravery in their darkest hour. The family's brief respite amidst their harrowing journey wherein they allow themselves a moment of blisfull "wish fulfillment". The granddaughter’s anxiety causing attempt at escaping her deathtrap and the final showdown between the citizens of Seoul and the monster.

“The Host” succeeds so beautifully because it never speaks down to its audience. It assumes a level of intelligence and sophistication that is so rare in moviemaking in general, much less for a monster from the deep flick. Ultimately, we realized that hyperbole aside, this may indeed be the most solidly directed monster flick since that fateful summer of ’75. “The Host” has already taken South Korea by storm, being crowned its all time king of the box office. One hopes that in this fallow period of movie releases, it can drum up a few dollars more stateside. Go ahead, take a dip into the surprisingly smart and entertaining cinematic waters of “The Host”. You’ll be glad you did. Bless you all!

Directed by Joon-ho Bong
Written by Chul-hyun Baek, Joon-ho Bong and Jun-won Ha

Starring
Song Kang-ho as Gang-Du Park
Hie-bong Byeon as Hie-bong Park
Hae-il Park as Nam-il Park
Bae Du-na as Nam-Joo Park
Ah-sung Ko as Hyun-seo Park
David Joseph Anselmo as Donald
Paul Lazar as Military Doctor
Brian Lee as Young Korean Doctor
Scott Wilson as the Military Pathologist

Cinematography by Hyung-ku Kim
Film Editing by Seon Min Kim
Production Design by Seong-hie Ryu
Costume Design by Sang-kyung Cho
Original Music by Byung-woo Lee
Visual Effects Supervisor Kevin Rafferty
Visual Effects and Animation by The Orphanage

Starter for Ten - Movie Review

2007-03-09T10:47:00.000-08:00

Starter for Ten (2006)
When the film genre of “Romantic Comedy” died, roughly after Woody Allen updated, dissected and metastasized it with “Annie Hall”, Hollywood should have simply accepted its demise and thrown away any script that came through its marbled archways that contained the words: “Love”, “Sweet” and “Dogs”. Seriously, kids. As avid film lovers of a tired genre that gave us so much enjoyment over the years, every film we have seen in the past twenty five years that attempts to demonstrate the cutesiness of every “meet cute” ends up becoming a steaming pile of celluloid manure. Either the “romantic” aspects are blatantly devoid of star chemistry, or the “comedy” side is a blithering assortment of pratfalls and replayed unfunny misunderstandings. “Oh, you said ‘Wanna have dinner with my parents?’”, “That’s so funny, I heard ‘Dress up in biker drag!”, “My mistake”.

So, when we were forced to go and sit through yet another “Romantic Comedy” which had the balls no less than to place it’s storyline in the early 1980s, we were forced to take five Xanax and two Vodka Gimlets in order to gird our critical loins. Well, either the pills helped considerably or we are softening up in our old age. (We’re sure it’s the former, and never the latter!) “Starter for 10” is a darling little British import that works for two reasons: James McAvoy as the young brainy lead, and the young semi-brainy script by David Nicholls based on his novel.

We meet Brian at a very early age, as a clever child who daydreams about the University Challenge quiz show found on the telly as he tries his best to outguess the contestants. His father eggs him on supportively as his mother smiles in slightly bemused indifference. When next we meet Brian, his beloved Dad has passed away and he is about to embark on his university career where he is sure he will discover like minded individuals who care more about culture, social issues and the all important pursuit of trivia that dominates his desires. If he is forced to leave his working class mates behind, well, such is life for a lad too clever to be held down by his social setting.

Brian does indeed go to college, and quickly discovers that while he is not alone in the pursuit of knowledge, he may be alone for the rest of his life if he doesn’t learn to speak to members of the opposite sex. Enter Rebecca Epstein, a bohemian jewish lass with a penchant for picketing against the world’s injustices. And Alice Harbinson, the embodiment of the upper crust British doll whose resemblance to a young Christie Brinkley does not go unnoticed by the director, Tom Vaughan.

We are introduced to Alice via a slow motion shot meant to display her best assets, her ability to toss her hair from side to side with passionate abandon. She has entered Brian’s life in the most unlikely of settings, his audition to become one of the University Challenge contestants. An audition that should either have you rolling in the aisles or tapping your nails on the theatre seat in front of you depending on either your age, moviegoing experience, or susceptibility for clichéd entrances.

Anyone who has sat through the John Hughes oeuvre from the actual 1980s will not be surprised by any thing in this film. They might be spurred into coughing up a long misplaced memory or two, but not surprised. So wait, did we enjoy this film? And if so, when does it start demonstrating its alleged “brainy” quality. Well, the simple truth is that his film is carried along at a leisurely entertaining pace by the charms of its leading man, James McAvoy. After his wonderfully spot on dramatic turn in “The Last King of Scotland”, the last thing we expected was this!

Completely believable as a young dope, determined to make the most of his university experience until his hormones get the better of him, James McAvoy skirts across the lumpier aspects of the film: brainy girl versus blonde beauty, discovering you’ve outgrown your working class background and chums, etc. Basically, every cliché we’ve sat through before in any coming of age comedy. We don’t doubt for a minute that Brian will wakeup one morning to realize who his real true love is; we simply must sit through the preordained scenes. But if there’s one thing we’ve learned in the past one hundred years of moviegoing, its that once must look for the differences within a tired genre in order to grab hold of any cinematic enjoyment.

“Starter for 10” has no breakthrough moments in direction, script, cinematography or design. While it relies on a buoyant period soundtrack consisting of choice cuts from the eighties prepackaged cold meats section of The Cure, Psychedelic Furs, Buzzcocks, Yaz, Kate Bush, Echo & The Bunnymen, The Style Council, The Undertones and The Smiths; it knows enough to use them sparingly and not merely for a frosting effect.

Yes, we wish there had not been the inevitable “dress up in drag” moment of confusion, or the painfully unfunny scene where Brian bumps into Alice’s parents in a pot infused haze in their kitchen and surprise of surprises – Alice’s parents walk around their house butt naked! (Please. This was by far the clumsiest moment in the script, in particular since the parents were played by the far too talented for this slight a fare duo: Charles Dance and Lindsay Duncan. Although, both middle aged Brits acquit themselves quite nicely in the dropping trou department! Especially Mr. Dance! Was that a bit of CGI, or is he really that well toned at the age of sixty?)

But at this point in the game, one has to expect one in any Romantic Comedy. What does come as a pleasant surprise is the script actually regards its principle players as characters, not just caricatures . . . for the most part. Alice and Rebecca are blissfully given moments within the confines of the genre to break out of their tired molds. The “dumb Blonde” is certainly no dummy and the “bohemian chick” is hardly flighty or as neurotic as we have seen in the past.
“Starter for 10” fulfills its intentions quite nicely when it focuses on Brian’s relationships. We enjoyed the thoughtful scenes where Brian gets to actually converse with Alice and Rebecca alternately. There was a nice quality of not rushing the proceedings that actually drew us into the story. His scenes with his best mate, Spencer played with the right amount of working class bravado by Dominic Cooper were another highlight.

We only wish the film had made better use of the prodigious comedic talents of Catherine Tate who portrays Brian’s Mum, Julie Jackson. Saddled with the unfunny role as the mousy widow who decides to venture into another relationship late in the game – she has precious little to do besides look concerned and flustered. One wishes the director and writer had watched a few episodes of Catherine Tate’s sketch comedy program to see how it is possible to simultaneously emulate and lampoon such ignoble institutions as higher education, the working class and comic misunderstandings.

While the routine fumbles culled from a million previous “Romantic Comedies” do not come across well, it is in the grounded and wonderfully etched performance by James McAvoy that sets this film apart. We just wish the director had been brave or quick witted enough to avoid the clichéd pitfalls and venture out a tad more. We feel we can still recommend this film, since the few scenes that do work well provide a glimmer of what could have been. Yikes. Not the most shimmering endorsement, but there you have it. Bless you all!

Directed by Tom Vaughan
Written by David Nicholls, based on his novel

Starring
James McAvoy as Brian Jackson
Alice Eve as Alice Harbinson
Rebecca Hall as Rebecca Epstein
Catherine Tate as Julie Jackson
Dominic Cooper as Spencer
Benedict Cumberbatch as Patrick
Charles Dance as Michael Harbinson
Lindsay Duncan as Rose Harbinson
Elaine Tan as Lucy Chang
James Corden as Tone
Ian Bonar as Colin
Joseph Friend as Young Brian
James Gaddas as Martin Jackson
Mark Gatiss as Bamber Gascoigne
John Henshaw as Des
Ben Willbond as Julian

Cinematography by Ashley Rowe
Film Editing by Jon Harris and Heather Persons
Original Music by Blake Neely
Costume Design by Charlotte Morris
Production Design by Sarah Greenwood
Art Direction by Nick Gottschalk
Set Decoration by Katie Spencer

Black Snake Moan - Movie Review

2007-03-02T09:51:00.000-08:00

Black Snake Moan (2007)

“The truth does not change according to our ability to stomach it.”
- Flannery O’Connor

Ah, the South! When they’re not busy enslaving over half their populace, they’re celebrating their trademark rural eccentricities. But as fans of such great Southern writers as Faulkner, Caldwell, Welty, Williams, Capote, McCullers and McCarthy – we might be more than a bit willing to venture out on a lonely dirt road headed to Crazyville, U.S.A. And once you enter into the backwoods territory found in Craig Brewer’s follow-up to last year’s excellent “Hustle & Flow”, you had better keep a few things in mind. One, this is a richly extravagant Southern fable that glorifies in the grotesque and ridiculous and two, bring along a pint of Moonshine and make sure you sip copiously throughout. It will make the experience richer, and help you swallow the heightened realism.

To wit, meet Lazarus a onetime blues singer turned man of the soil who tends his vegetables and sells them from the flatbed of his truck. He is also on the verge of a nervous breakdown upon learning his wife has run off with his brother. A notion he doesn’t take to kindly to – even if it means having to threaten either one of them with bodily harm.

Rae and Ronnie are a charming young couple, who are clearly in love. They make love with wild abandon, on the eve of Ronnie shipping out to the military. The only problem is that Ronnie suffers violent anxiety attacks that only Rae can help ease. And Rae suffers from . . . well, Rae is your garden variety slutbag whore, that will fuck anything that moves once her true love has departed.

So, once Ronnie has been sent packing to boot camp, Rae finds herself in the less than honorable position of party favor to the town locals. After a particularly ugly night of booze, pills, sex and violence she is left for dead on a dirt road. A dirt road that happens to be within spitting distance of Lazarus’ home. But being the honest man that he is, Lazarus decides to help this poor wreck of a girl never realizing the depths of her seeming depravity. Well, one thing leads to another and he ends up chaining her to his radiator to help cure her of any demons while he nurses her back to health.

“A high station in life is earned by the gallantry with which appalling experiences are survived with grace.” – Tennessee Williams

And if any of you kind readers are still with us, you might want to know that this is one terrifically entertaining flick that steams along with the same style and panache that Mister Brewer demonstrated in his last critically lauded movie. We aren’t really sure what goes on in the mind of Craig Brewer, but we find ourselves loving every minute of it! Trust us, when we heard there was a movie about a rapping pimp that was the “breakout hit” of last summer, we shied away. We were wrong then, and you would be wrong now if you ignored the esoteric charms of this potboiler.

And a potboiler it is! With no remorse. Which is exactly the tone the lead actors have adapted in eschewing their deliriously trippy roles. Samuel L. Jackson, who has seen his share of embarrassing vehicles as well as award worthy portrayals, is simply incredible as the former blues singer, turned spiritual healer. Ambling through the terrain like a slumped shadow of his former self, he zeroes in on Rae’s wounded spirit with the vigor of a Pentecostal preacher. He will help this fallen woman, under his roof with his own set of moral rules.

As Rae, the town mattress, Christina Ricci reaches new heights of orgiastic daring. This one time child star, turned Indy darling throws caution and her undergarments to the wind in her performance. Clawing the turf like a wounded animal, her buxom frame trembling with fevers, horniness and malice – she is either out to devour every man in sight or die trying. It is a ballsy turn that works gloriously when the tone is just right. The only problem may be with the audience reaction at the onset, where we are not quite sure how wild this film will get. (Thankfully, the pieces fall into place by the time of the very satisfying ending.)

As Ronnie, Justin Timberlake gets one step closer to proving that he is not just wasting everybody’s time in his newfound acting career. Unlike Christina Ricci, we did have our doubts to his acting skills when viewing his first attempts to dramatize his physically taxing nervous disorder. (The quivering hands gripping the toilet bowl were a tad too “Acting 101” for our taste.) But by the time Ronnie has returned in search of his nympho Juliet, he was either given better direction or had eased into his role as the traumatized manchild – that he managed some very effective scenes when they mattered most.

The lead trio is ably supported by the extremely talented S. Epatha Merkerson as Lazarus’ overtly friendly pharmacist. Michael Raymond-James as Ronnie’s best friend and Rae’s secret nemesis. John Cothran as the Reverend R.L., who attempts to bring some order into the chaos at hand. And in the role of . . . could that be? No . . . tell us it ain’t so! It IS!!!! In the role of Rae’s momma, a woman whose cruelty or tolerance for cruelty can only be guessed at is Kim Richards, former child acting diva and real life aunt to those celebutard siblings! We admit it. We plotzed.

Which is certainly a viable option for those in attendance. “Black Snake Moan” is the kind of movie that audiences either get in step with, or run from the theatre in a desperate bid for freedom. Which in this case is particularly ironic, we wish we could strap in every member and tie them to their seat with a forty foot chain. It would make for some theatrical experience!

“The theme is the theme of humiliation, which is the square root of sin, as opposed to the freedom from humiliation, and love, which is the square root of wonderful.”
- Carson McCullers

“Black Snake Moan” deserves to be seen for its unforgettable imagery, fabulously eccentric themes and powerhouse performances. With a homegrown auteur like Craig Brewer in charge of this hoedown, we know we are in very capable hands of a man who is capable of pulling the poetry out of the most outlandish scenario. The movies were created from a melding of magic and realism, to watch dreamy landscapes dance in front of our unbelieving eyes. We knew that “Black Snake Moan” was well worth our time and money, when we had reached Lazarus’ own reawakening as he returns to his blues roots to recapture some of his faded glory. It was a scene straight out of movie making heaven. A blend of music, emotion, color, light and shadow that sold us completely on the power of our own disbelief. Go ahead, do yourselves a favor and sample this wickedly delightful exploration of some very lost souls – you’ll be surprised how enjoyable the journey can be. Bless you all!

Written and Directed by Craig Brewer

Starring
Samuel L. Jackson as Lazarus
Christina Ricci as Rae
Justin Timberlake as Ronnie
S. Epatha Merkerson as Angela
John Cothran Jr. as Reverend R.L.
David Banner as Tehronne
Michael Raymond-James as Gill
Adriane Lenox as Rose Woods
Kim Richards as Sandy
Neimus K. Williams as Lincoln
Leonard L. Thomas as Deke Woods
Ruby Wilson as Mayella
Claude Phillips as Bojo
Amy Lavere as Jesse
Clare Grant as Kell
Jeff Pope as Batson

Cinematography by Amelia Vincent
Film Editing by Billy Fox
Original Music by Scott Bomar
Production Design by Keith Brian Burns
Art Direction by Liba Daniels
Set Decoration by Meg Everist

Zodiac (Or, when David Fincher grew up!) - Movie Review

2007-03-02T09:39:00.000-08:00

Zodiac (2007)

“Histories of ages past

Unenlightened shadows cast

Down through all eternity

The crying of humanity.

'Tis then when the Hurdy Gurdy Man

Comes singing songs of love,

Then when the Hurdy Gurdy Man

Comes singing songs of love.”
- Donovan

When David Fincher first burst upon the movie making scene (after an abortive debut), with his sadomasochistic serial killer extravaganza “Se7en”, we went along for the ride due mainly to the ravishing visuals and the star leads; Morgan Freeman and our boy, Brad Pitt. When he and Brad reteamed for the sadomasochistic psychological black comedy “Fight Club”, we realized we had witnessed the birth of a clever cult classic that benefited greatly from Brad and Edward Norton’s one-two punch as the co-leads (literally), and of course any film that features the wonderful Helena Bonham Carter uttering the now classic line: “I haven’t been fucked like that since grade school”, couldn’t be all bad. By the time we had witnessed his sadomasochistic take on “Lady in a Cage”, updated for the PlayStation® generation and wildly overdirected as “Panic Room”, we had begun to wonder.

Just how fucking sadomasochistic is this fucker? Yes, we think he has talent. Yes, we appreciate the care and detail he put into his projects. And he was by now more than able to line up the heavy hitters to star in his dark and dreary tales of violence, violence and more violence. And so, when we heard that his latest picture would focus on the investigation surrounding the identity of famed serial killer, self labeled “Zodiac”, we were concerned. Okay, we were repulsed. We threw up our hands in the air and declared: “Great, here we go again, more violence in well lit rooms, probably photographed from the viewpoint of the nail in the floorboard.”

Well, we couldn’t have been more wrong. Like a cinematic phoenix from the bloody ashes of a tired genre, David Fincher has directed his most assured and mature work to date. Lining up a top notch roster of actors, armed with a warehouse full of information and investigative materials from Zodiac’s most famed chronicler, one Robert Graysmith and seemingly ditching his overt stylistic flourishes from his most famous flicks (almost), Fincher has delivered an epic on the terror stricken media frenzy that gripped the Bay Area throughout the seventies, when Zodiac came to call.

The film opens with Zodiac’s alleged first crime, the gristly shooting of a young couple parked in a “lover’s lane” hillside retreat. As the seemingly innocuous strains of Donovan’s “Hurdy Gurdy Man” play presciently over the car radio, the unlucky duo find themselves being taunted by a lone driver. This mystery man, who calmly and methodically leaves his vehicle to spray the pair with bullets is barely visible to the audience. From the very start of the movie, Fincher has demonstrated his control over the subject matter by refusing to glorify the violence – for a change, and daring to focus on the clinical facts of the case.

It is the correct choice. Although, it may not be one that your typical moviegoer will find appealing – which is even more reason to appreciate Fincher’s stunning new film. While we sat and watched the opening scene, a gleeful effluvium loving yelp let out from an audience member seated nearby. It was the kind of blood sniffing reaction that earmarks the main audience to the avalanche of grisly serial killer movies that have been in vogue for far too many years. We understand the appeal of “Grand Guignol”, and certainly over the centuries mankind has repeatedly demonstrated that there is nothing more entertaining than a good bloodletting: from the gladiator arena, to stoning the adulteress, to burning witches to the legendary “Faces of Death” series. American audiences are the first to queue up and pay their hardly earned dollars to sit and watch blood squirt from every dismembered body part.

The most incredible aspect of “Zodiac” is that while it does not shy away from violence, it is coldly removed from the more visceral aspects. This is no celebration of gore – it merely enumerates the murders as part of the larger investigation. An investigation that begins in of all places, the editorial meeting room of the San Francisco Chronicle. For once we have “seen” the murderer, he wants more than nothing else to be “seen” himself. He sends a notorious admission of guilt announcing his plans to continue his killing spree, if the local area rags don’t print his note and accompanying cryptogram. A code that will lead to the first of many attempts to locate the killer. A killer who enjoys his fame and notoriety as much as committing his heinous acts of violence.

Now, while this film, despite it’s pedigree of cast and crew could have laid back on its collective haunches and played out the rest of the story with a network television crime drama pedantry – it chooses to delve a little deeper. For as it turns out, the identity of the Zodiac is less of interest than how the various police forces, journalists and one nosy cartoonist begin to play off each other in what soon becomes a political and social hotbed of fear, name calling and finger pointing. In short, a kind of twisted “Peyton Place” meets “Halloween”. For as any moviegoer who has ever sat through a serial killer flick will attest, the identity of the killer is never that interesting. It’s always some pathetic loner, living in a basement who enjoys pulling wings off chloroformed insects. No, what is fascinating is the atmosphere that spreads out across the killer’s path, and the manner in which the key players react.

In that, Fincher has managed to secure the most interesting cast to come down the pike in quite awhile. Our future husband, Jake Gyllenhaal leads the incredibly talented cast in the role of Robert Graysmith, a newspaper cartoonist whose fondness for puzzles sparks his mounting interest in the first menacing epistle delivered to his newspaper’s editor. A self described Eagle Scout of the highest rank, his sincerity in wanting to help the professionals is what drives him to such extraordinary lengths. An obsession with the Zodiac killer that will threaten to overtake his own life.

Robert Downey Jr. co-stars as Paul Avery, a reporter with a theatrical flair that is covering the crime beat and is the first to realize that young Graysmith may be of help in the investigation. When his involvement in the case becomes too personal, and the cost too high, he will discover that his method of coping with the pressure is . . . well, let’s just say that Robert Downey Jr. is the perfect actor for the role.

Mark Ruffalo and Anthony Edwards appear as the detectives David Toschi and William Armstrong, who lead the charge in identifying the suspect. We loved their interaction – two detectives who have allegedly seen it all, but persevere in the middle of the three ring circus, in order to follow their gut instincts.

The rest of the cast is uniformly brilliant, with such fine character actors as Brian Cox, Philip Baker Hall, Chloë Sevigny, Dermot Mulroney, Elias Koteas, Candy Clark, Donal Logue, Adam Goldberg, James LeGros and Clea DuVall doing the highly detailed script proud.

The standouts include Brian Cox as the local celebrity lawyer, Melvin Belli. This larger than life huckster was as famous for his court cases as for his penchant for the cameras. What other famous lawyers do you know that can claim a genuine “Star Trek” acting credit, alongside his notorious appearance in the famed documentary “Gimme Shelter”. Mr. Cox is clearly having the time of his life portraying such a pompous charmer.

The underrated Clea DuVall is also highly effective in the role of a surprise witness, whose testimony one can hardly label cooperative. Rumor has it that Bijou Phillips was originally cast as the feisty Linda Ferrin, but was replaced due to scheduling. Another reason to praise David Fincher’s newfound maturity as an artist.

And ultimately, that is what we have to applaud. Fincher’s ability to maintain a tight pace, and interest throughout is to be commended. In particular, since the film is roughly two hours and forty minutes in length! Now, wait, wait – just hold on there a second. The film more than earns it demanding running time, due to its highly effective script. It is a wonderful compression of massive amounts of detailed information, including the various time, place and locations. The film is broken up into three larger arcs that carry us from the murderer, to the police investigation to the private campaign by Graysmith without ever losing its terrific momentum.
Perhaps there is precedence here, certainly the great “realistic” thrillers of the seventies come to mind: “The French Connection”, “The Conversation”, “All the President’s Men” and “Prince of the City” in particular. His ability to expertly handle the violent action sequences, we never questioned. It was his trust in the material and the cast that allowed him to avoid the more showman aspects of his earlier work that truly surprised us. We only quibble with the time lapse imagery of the raising of the Transamerica Pyramid (That transition shot belongs back in “Koyaanisqatsi”). Or his one lapse into familiar territory, where we are treated to another time lapse sequence that is etched with the killers scrawl painted over each frame.

Still, we didn’t expect him to abandon his own sense of directorial style, merely to suit our needs. We wouldn’t dream of asking a director to change who they are . . . unless they are Baz Luhrmann. But, back to the fine film in question. “Zodiac” is a rock solid piece of filmmaking that dares to upend the fanatically tired genre of serial killer expose by trusting the intelligence of its filmmakers. We pray that the filmgoers will respond in kind. Bless you all!

(Endnote: Is 2007 shaping up to be THE year for smart thrillers? What with the towering performance of Chris Cooper in “Breach” and the Oscar winning “The Lives of Others”, we smell a thematically triumphal year! Let’s hope the ball keeps rolling in our favor.)

Directed by David Fincher
Screenplay by James Vanderbilt
Based on the book by Robert Graysmith

Starring
Jake Gyllenhaal as Robert Graysmith
Mark Ruffalo as Inspector David Toschi
Robert Downey Jr. as Paul Avery
Anthony Edwards as Inspector William Armstrong
Brian Cox as Melvin Belli
John Carroll Lynch as Arthur Leigh Allen
Philip Baker Hall as Sherwood Morrill
Chloë Sevigny as Melanie
Dermot Mulroney as Captain Marty Lee
Elias Koteas as Sgt. Jack Mulanax
John Getz as Templeton Peck
Candy Clark as Carol Fisher
Ed Setrakian as Al Hyman
Donal Logue as Ken Narlow
Lee Norris as Mike Mageau
Jimmi Simpson as Mike Mageau (Older)
Ciara Hughes as Darlene Ferrin
Zach Grenier as Mel Nicolai
Adam Goldberg as Duffy Jennings
James LeGros as Officer George Bawart
Clea DuVall as Linda Ferrin
Micah Sauers as David Graysmith
Zachary Sauers as Aaron Graysmith

Cinematography by Harris Savides
Film Editing by Kirk Baxter and Angus Wall
Original Music by David Shire
Costume Design by Casey Storm
Production Design by Donald Graham Burt
Art Direction by Keith P. Cunningham
Set Decoration by Victor J. Zolfo

In Memoriam - (The Legends Who Passed On in 2006)

2007-03-01T23:46:00.000-08:00

In Memoriam – (The Legends Who Passed On in 2006)

Ker-rist, is it March already? The major film awards have all been taken care of, and with each one, we get the obligatory “Dead People” montage which ends up becoming an applause barometer to either their level of fame or the short term memory of the attendees. Well, here at the Bloody Red Carpet, we have a very long memory and we would like to take a moment or two of your time to honor those film legends that passed in 2006.

While we don’t have the time to delve into the lives and careers of each beloved performer and creator who has gone onto the great soundstage in the sky, we would like to applaud the careers of such talented folks as: Anne Meacham, Anthony Franciosa, Fayard Nicholas, Chris Penn, Moss Mabry, Al Lewis, Pedro Gonzalez Gonzalez, Don Knotts, Dennis Weaver, Darren McGavin, Henderson Forsythe, Edward Albert Jr who followed his father much too soon, Arthur Hill, Red Buttons, Philippe Noiret and Betty Comden. Sniffle. We’ll miss them. But like every movie lover, we have our favorites. The ones we’ll miss the most. Grab your hankies, and let’s take a moment to applaud them once again for their major contributions to the art of movies!

(Note: We are listing them in the chronological order of their passing to the great soundstages in the sky, so don’t go reading any favoritism into it!)

“I have bursts of being a lady, but it doesn’t last long.”

Shelley Winters
Born Shirley Schrift on August 18, 1920 in St. Louis, Missouri
Died January 14, 2006 in Beverly Hills, California
This two time Oscar winning legend began her career as an alluring sexpot, before turning it on its ear with her Best Actress Oscar nominated role in George Stevens’ classic “A Place in the Sun”. She would later win the first of her two Oscars for supporting turns in Stevens’ big screen adaptation of “The Diary of Anne Frank”, as the overbearing mother of Anne Frank’s young beau. Six years later, she won win another Oscar as the monstrously bigoted and abusive mother to a young blind woman who falls in love with a kind black man, clearly not the thing to do when your mother is a racist – in “A Patch of Blue”. And you know what? We don’t think she deserved either Oscar – for those roles! While she certainly deserved to be recognized for her fine portrayals, the Academy ignored her grandest turn as yet another overbearing momma in Stanley Kubrick’s darkly comic adaptation of Vladimir Nabokov’s “Lolita”. Her Charlotte Haze Humbert displays her at her best: sexy, loud, sometimes garish, often funny, always riveting. Much like the lady herself. And was any actress in the history of cinema so unlucky around a body of water! As a tribute to her most famous roles, BAMcinématek hosted a series entitled “Shelley Winters vs. the Water”! “A Place in the Sun”, “The Night of the Hunter”, “Lolita” and her possibly her most famous role as the brave grandmother in peril in the ne plus ultra of the 70’s disaster flick genre: “The Poseidon Adventure”. Shelley Winter’s legacy includes many interesting films, but you could do far worse than starting out with those four. A great lady who had the final word on her own image.

"Isn't it strange that something you've never really wanted to do turns out to be the very thing that's given you a name and identity?...The Red Shoes ruined my career in the ballet. They (her peers) never trusted me again."

Moira Shearer
Born Moira Shearer King on January 17, 1926 in Dumferline, Fife, Scotland
Died January 31, 2006 in Oxford, England
This famed Prima Ballerina from Sadler’s Wells, only made a handful of film appearances, but is perhaps responsible for more young girls and boys wanted to slap on a tutu and twirl around the stage than any other dancer in history. Why? Well, “The Red Shoes” of course. The deliriously opulent, twisted and dramatic fairy tale for adults filmed by that heroic duo of the British Cinema: Michael Powell and Emeric Pressburger transfixed the world when it debuted in 1948. And without a doubt, the film would have been less successful without the ravishing central performance of the great Moira Shearer. Thankfully, for film buffs the world over, she also featured prominently in Powell and Pressburger’s operatic “The Tales of Hoffmann” and later as one of the imperiled objects of attraction in Michael Powell’s horror masterpiece, “Peeping Tom”. For a dancer who dabbled in film, quite the cinema legacy! Brava!

"I never had that problem. People looked at me on stage and said, 'Jesus, that broad better be able to act.’”

Maureen Stapleton
Born Lois Maureen Stapleton on June 21, 1925 in Troy, New York
Died on March 13, 2006 in Lenox, Massachusetts
This Tony, Emmy and Oscar winning actress defied categorization. While never the beauty pageant type, she eschewed sensuality by the sheer force of her talent – creating the role of Serafina Delle Rosa in Tennessee Williams’ “The Rose Tattoo” for an enraptured Broadway in 1951. The film roles she received immediately landed her in the supporting actress / character type slot, where she typically played far older than her years. In 1963’s film version of “Bye Bye Birdie”, she portrayed Dick Van Dyke’s mother despite an age difference of six whole months! Her four Oscar nominations came for her movie debut in 1958’s “Lonelyhearts” – not a bad way to start a career, followed by “Airport” in 1970 as the anxiety fraught wife to Van Heflin’s suicidal hijacker (!), her incredibly brilliant turn in Woody Allen’s first foray into Bergman territory, “Interiors” in 1978 as the “vulgarian” mistress to E.G. Marshall and finally her Oscar winning role as the famed anarchist / proto-feminist / good time gal Emma Goldman in Warren Beatty’s homage to his own ego, “Reds”. (Okay, we do like “Reds” but wish Warren had cast somebody who could actually portray intellectual believably.) As one can tell by the self deprecating quote above by the lady herself, Maureen Stapleton had a sense of humor as well as limitless talent. As the good roles declined over the years, she managed to maintain her dignity by stealing the show in such lesser fare as: “The Money Pit”, “Heartburn”, “Nuts”, “Cocoon” and its completely unnecessary sequel “Cocoon: The Return”.

(Sidenote: To all those canutes that insist she was related to the talented Jean Stapleton – you would be wrong. You’re probably the same people that believe Audrey and Katharine Hepburn were related. Do you also think Shirley and James Earl Jones are siblings?)

“Not only are her shapes and features perfect: from her eyes radiates an irresistible flashing of love." – Gregory Peck

Alida Valli
Born Alida Maria Laura von Altenburger, the Baroness of Marckenstein and Freuenberg on May 31, 1921 in Pola, Istria
Died on April 22, 2006 in Rome, Italy
Forget that silly Kevin Bacon game! If you want to connect Brigitte Bardot to Uma Thurman or Frank Sinatra to Roberto Benigni: the late, great beauty Alida Valli is your gal! Her career spanned six decades, incorporating several continents and great films in English, Italian and French. Along the way, this aristocratic beauty became so well known, she was often billed only as “Valli”. The megalomaniacal American producer David O. Selznick brought her over to the states following several successful films in Europe to launch her as the next Garbo. She starred notably in Alfred Hitchcock’s courtroom drama, “The Paradine Case” and was loaned out for her landmark film role, as the mysterious Anna Schmidt in Carol Reed’s post war masterpiece: “The Third Man”. That film alone, which often ends up on the very shortlist of all time greatest flicks makes Alida Valli worthy of an entry into the pantheon. If it weren’t for the simple fact that over sixty years, she worked with such major directors as Hitchcock, Reed, Pontecorvo, Clément, Vadim, Franju, Chabrol, Pasolini, Bava, Chéreau, both Bertolucci’s – Bernardo and Giuseppe, and Dario Argento. Her ability to beguile extended far into her career, delivering a lovely supporting turn in the bucolic “A Month by the Lake” in 1995. Drop what you’re doing right now and go rent: “The Paradine Case”, “The Third Man”, “The Wide Blue Road”, “Eyes Without a Face”, “Ophélia” and “A Month by the Lake” and revel in cinematic bliss at the altar of Alida Valli!

Sally Bowles: “Have you ever slept with a dwarf?”
Brian: “Once, but it wasn’t a lasting relationship.”

Jay Presson Allen
Born Jacqueline Presson on March 3, 1922 in Fort Worth, Texas
Died on May 1, 2006 in New York City, New York
This talented lady was responsible for some very fine screenplays, including her two Oscar nominations for “Cabaret” and “Prince of the City” – two of our favorite flicks! She began her screenwriting career by scripting Alfred Hitchcock’s underrated “Marnie”. She adapted her own play version of Muriel Spark’s “The Prime of Miss Jean Brodie” into a critical and financial success driven by Maggie Smith’s Oscar winning lead turn. Other note worthy films include adapting Grahame Greene’s “Travels with My Aunt” for Dame Maggie in another Oscar nominated performance under the solid guidance of veteran director George Cukor. Her adaptation of her own comedic novel, “Just Tell Me What You Want” was driven by a terrific comedic turn by Alan King. And the entertaining stage to screen comedy thriller “Deathtrap”. Whether it was for her novels, plays, screenplays or in her role as producer – Jay Presson Allen was a class act!

"I have big teeth. I lisp. My eyes disappear when I smile. My voice is funny. I don't sing like Judy Garland. I don't dance like Cyd Charisse. But women identify with me. And while men desire Cyd Charisse, they'd take me home to meet Mom".

June Allyson
Born Eleanor Geisman on October 7, 1917 in the Bronx, New York
Died on July 8, 2006 in Ojai, California
This unlikeliest of stars emerged from the Broadway chorus with her vivaciousness and four-pack-a-day smoky voice to become one of the biggest stars of the post-war era. Cast in an endless series of lightweight musical charmers for the famed MGM studios, she became queen of the remakes. From “Little Women” to “The Opposite Sex” to “My Man Godrey” to “You Can’t Run Away From It” – all of which paled in comparison to the original 1930s classics. It was less her material, and more of her onscreen charisma and effortless talent that assured her success. Married in real life to former Depression Era crooner, turned classic tough guy, Dick Powell, she found lasting fame playing opposite some of Hollywood’s biggest stars: James Stewart, Humphrey Bogart, William Holden, Gene Kelly and the male equivalent of her down-home charms, Van Johnson. One of the hardest working ladies in film history, who continued to perform until recently. We will remember her as the epitome of the “American Gal Next Door” and insist you rent two of her best flicks: the college campus hijinks of “Good News” and the boardroom dramatics of “Executive Suite”, whose all-star cast shared the top acting honors at the Venice Film Festival for their fine work.

“Today we make everything so complicated. The lighting, the cameras, the acting. It has taken me thirty years to arrive at simplicity.”

Sven Nykvist
Born Sven Vilhelm Nykvist on December 3, 1922 in Moheda, Kronobergs län, Sweden
Died September 20, 2006 in Stockholm, Sweden
To label Sven Nykvist a great cinematographer is not only stating the obvious, it is undervaluing his craft. Cinematography is cinema. The play of light and shadow and setting of tone and atmosphere are all reliant on the skill of the great cinematographers. If we were to look only at Sven’s lesser known work: “Black Moon”, “The Tenant”, “Pretty Baby”, “Starting Over”, “The Postman Always Rings Twice”, “Cannery Row”, “Star 80”, “Swann in Love”, “Agnes of God”, “The Sacrifice”, “The Unbearable Lightness of Being”, “Another Woman”, “New York Stories”, “Crimes and Misdemeanors”, “Chaplin” and “What’s Eating Gilbert Grape?” – it would still be an impressive career. But of course, Mr. Nykvist will go down in film history books as the great collaborator to Ingmar Bergman. Their quarter century of films together has become recognized as the work of two geniuses, working in tandem to produce some of the most eloquent and stunning work in movie history. Drop what you’re doing right now and go watch: “The Virgin Spring”, “Through a Glass Darkly”, “Winter Light”, “Persona”, “Hour of the Wolf”, “Shame”, “The Passion of Anna”, “Cries and Whispers”, “Scenes from a Marriage”, “The Magic Flute”, “Face to Face”, “Autumn Sonata” and “Fanny and Alexander”.

"What I would prefer for people to discover is something that is in all my films, a certain kind of tenderness for man, an affection which grows from the fragility of the human condition. (His wife enters with a bowl of soup.) But we must have soup. Soup over all."

Gillo Pontecorvo
Born on November 19, 1919 in Pisa, Tuscany, Italy
Died on October 12, 2006 in Rome, Italy
Now, here’s a great director who in fifty years as a lauded filmmaker managed to churn out a mere twenty films! – of which, several were shorts or documentaries. But, oh dear readers what films they were! If he had done nothing else but “The Battle of Algiers”, his reputation as one of the great directors of all time would be secure. Thankfully, for a very grateful international audience of film lovers, he also helmed such blissfully rich movies as the rediscovered masterpiece “The Wide Blue Road” featuring superlative work by Yves Montand and our beloved Alida Valli. His Oscar nominated concentration camp drama, “Kapò”, featuring a terrific turn by Susan Strasberg. His political thriller focusing on a Franco dominated Spain, “Operation Ogre”. And his “lost” pseudo masterpiece, “Burn!” starring Marlon Brando that was taken away from his control and butchered upon initial release. The subsequent restoration demonstrates the power of his imagery and intelligent zeal. But, ultimately the world will long remember and be eternally grateful for his true masterwork – “The Battle of Algiers”. This exceedingly rich docudrama focusing on the Algerian war of independence from the French occupation shattered filmgoers’ expectations of what constituted a “War Movie”. Electric, complicated, visually ingenious and triumphant – its influence is still felt today. One of the greatest films ever made. See it now!

"I never vacuumed at home wearing my pearls. In fact, I never vacuumed at all. I was always working at the studio. I would have gone crazy staying at home like Margaret Anderson, and my family knew that."

Jane Wyatt
Born Jane Waddington Wyatt on August 12, 1910 in Campgaw, New Jersey
Died on October 20, 2006 in Bel-Air, California
One of the greatest ironies of being a successful film actor is having to watch yourself relegated to “slumming” on a television sitcom once your crow’s feet begin to show, only to find yourself become a household name by millions of folks who might have never seen you perform your magic on the silver screen. After all, television syndication and cable channels have kept some sitcoms that premiered over five decades ago in heavy rotation ever since. Case in point, the lovely and talented Jane Wyatt who will undoubtedly be remembered for her three time Emmy Award winning performance as Margaret Anderson, the warm hearted and perennially cheerful matriarch on “Father Knows Best”. Which is fine. She was lovely as the perfect mother figure. She was even lovelier two decades earlier in Frank Capra’s romantic adaptation of James Hilton’s classic “Lost Horizon”. Her beauty, grace and sensuality . . . (take note of that tastefully erotic nude bathing sequence! Margaret Anderson! Who knew? Well, we did.) lit the screen aflame as Sondra, the dreamy gal in the center of the dreamier Shangri-La. No wonder, Ronald Colman moved heaven and earth to search for the fabled lost city! She was equally memorable playing opposite Cary Grant in “None But the Lonely Heart” (pictured above) and her two supporting roles for famed director Elia Kazan, both from 1947! As the pillar of strength to Dana Andrews besieged crusading lawyer in the fine docudrama “Boomerang!”, and her contribution to the Oscar winning champ of 1947, the seminal anti-Semitic expose: “Gentlemen’s Agreement”. Go rent all four today!

"For doing my best. I think anything I've ever tried, I tried to do my best. In the end, that's all you can do!"

Marian Marsh
Born Violet Ethelred Krauth on October 17, 1913 in Trinidad, West Indies
Died on November 9, 2006 in Palm Desert, California
Oh, how “The Boulevard of Broken Dreams” is littered with the likes of dear Marian Marsh. A wide-eyed beauty who made instant headlines with her career making turn as Trilby to John Barrymore’s wickedly over the top lead turn in “Svengali”. Her career instantly launched by that films critical and financial success: she shone in the Oscar nominated “Five Star Final” opposite Edward G. Robinson, reteamed with Barrymore with the thematic follow up to their earlier hit, “The Mad Genius” – a sort of precursor to the aforementioned “The Red Shoes”, and displayed her ample charms opposite William Powell in “The Road to Singapore”. Her comedic talents were well used opposite the underrated Warren William in the Boss v. Secretary comedy “Beauty and the Boss”. But perhaps her lasting fame would come in her starring roles opposite two of Hollywood’s greatest character “villains”, both from 1935. Acting opposite the criminally unappreciated Boris Karloff in his dual role as a sort of Teutonic Cain and Abel (!), she was lovely as the woman caught between them in “The Black Room”. And finally, in “Crime and Punishment”, she was Sonya to the great Peter Lorre’s Raskolnikov, under the superb direction of the legendary Josef von Sternberg. While Marian Marsh may never have reached the zenith of her Depression Era peers, she will be remembered for her fine performances.

"I go to see maybe seven films a year at the most, and since I only go to see the best, it follows that I very rarely see my own."

Jack Palance
Born Volodymyr Palanyuk on February 18, 1919 in Lattimer Mines, Pennyslvania
Died on November 10, 2006 in Montecito, California
Blessed with one of the most recognizable faces and memorable voices in Hollywood history, Oscar winning character actor Jack Palance burst upon the scene in of all things, a Joan Crawford thriller! His first Oscar nomination was for his maniacal turn as a struggling actor who romances an older woman, a playwright in order to secure not only his future, but her riches. “Sudden Fear” is one hell of a tightly wrapped little thriller that benefits greatly from the fantastic acting chops of Palance and Crawford – who were both nominated for the little bald gold guy and our beloved Gloria Grahame as a money hungry moll. He further cemented his star quality the following year with another Oscar nomination for the mythic western, “Shane” by George Stevens. Thirty eight years later, he would win an Oscar for his supporting turn in the featherweight Billy Crystal comedy “Cityslickers” and steal the show at the Oscar ceremonies that year by performing one arm push ups on the stage to demonstrate his virility at the age of seventy three!

“Retirement? You’re talking about death, right?”

Robert Altman
Born Robert Bernard Altman on February 20, 1925 in Kansas City, Missouri
Died on November 20, 2006 in Los Angeles, California
Sniffle. Okay. Now, we’re really sad again. Please read our full obit for our thoughts on the passing of one of the greatest directors of all time. Go! Now! Thankfully, he left us one last masterpiece which we honored earlier with our top prize as the years best. Rest in peace, Bob. You’ll always be in our hearts and cinematic daydreams.

Waaaaggggghhhhhh!!!!!! That’s it! We can’t take it. We’re going to go drown our sorrows in a movie marathon or two and a magnum of champagne! Now, go run out and rent all the films we mentioned above and glory in the classic work left to us by such talented artists. Bless you all!

The Best Actresses of 2006 - (Year End Round-up, Pt.2)

2007-03-01T13:11:00.000-08:00

The Best Actresses of 2006 – (Year End Round-up, Pt. 2)

Well, kids . . . now that the Oscars are over and done with and studio moguls are revving up for next years awards (no kidding, it’s never too early to launch an Oscar campaign), we thought we would help close the curtain to 2006 by giving you, our faithful readers our comprehensive and brilliantly selected list of the Best Performances of 2006! Let's let this year's Oscar winning actress enjoy her post show burger and let’s dive right into the Best Performances by the Ladies, shall we?

And what a year it’s been. Unlike last year where the gals could barely get a well toned ankle through the door. This year was filled with wonderful performances from the distaff side, a true moviegoing treat! In looking back, we realized that the year was so kind to the ladies, that three of them were greedy enough to excel in three different movies, a piece!

Toni Colette, who has excelled at emotionally bruised women struggling to free themselves from their prisons: be it psychological, physical or emotional. She kept the guesswork interesting in “The Night Listener”, held down the moving fort as the mom in the mother of dysfunctional families in “Little Miss Sunshine” and managed to avoid the pitfalls of portraying the wounded spirit trapped in her own mother’s house in “The Dead Girl”.

Maggie Gyllenhaal pulled off a terrific performance in a less than terrific film as the recovering heroin addict in “SherryBaby”, brought realism and honesty to her role as a missing policeman’s wife in the overbaked “World Trade Center” and finally blossomed with expert comic charm as a present day granola hippie flake in “Stranger Than Fiction”.

But those two gals, as good as they were couldn’t compare to the lovely and luminescent Cate Blanchett who outshone all the competition with three terrific performances! In “Babel”, as the mother and wife who while struggling to hold onto her marriage finds herself struggling to stay alive in the bleakest of landscapes. As “The Good German”, she echoed screen goddesses of yesteryear like Ingrid Bergman, Alida Valli and Marlene Dietrich in her role as the mysterious woman of affairs who will do or say anything to help those she loves. And finally, as Sheba Hart, the art teacher whose affair with one of her young charges lands her in a psychotic web of trust and manipulation in “Notes on a Scandal”. It’s rare enough to see an actress shine in one good role a year, but THREE? Applause to Toni, Maggie and in particular Cate for being the most valuable actresses of the year!

For the Best Performances by an Actress in a Supporting Role, we would like to consider the following:

Luminita Gheorghiu for her no nonsense emergency services attendee who deals with every level of bureaucracy in “The Death of Mr. Lazarescu”.

Mary Beth Hurt as the harridan housewife who uncovers the dirtiest secrets relating to “The Dead Girl”.

Carmen Maura as a pale memory of a woman who fights to regain her right to be one of the family in “Volver”.

Jeanne Moreau as the loving grandmother who comforts her dying grandson in “Les temps qui reste”.

Charlotte Rampling for her vitriolic turn as the vengeful woman scorned in “Lemming”.

Hilary Swank as the glam lesbian femme fatale in “The Black Dahlia”.

Emma Thompson for her omniscient writer struggling to shake off her writer’s block in “Stranger Than Fiction”.

And cult favorite, Grace Zabriskie for her indescribably neurotic and mysterious neighbor in “INLAND EMPIRE”.

And those were just the “B List”! Any year where Carmen Maura, Charlotte Rampling, Hilary Swank, Emma Thompson and the great Jeanne Moreau just barely miss our final list of great performances is a very good year for the ladies. But, pray tell, who could have bested them? Well, pray no more, here you go – our nominees for the Best Supporting Actress of the Year!

Adrianna Barraza as the bedraggled housekeeper and nanny to two emotionally orphaned children who finds herself their sole hope of salvation after a disastrous case of miscommunication in “Babel”.

Tammy Blanchard for her heartbreaking and emotionally honest turn as the true love of a man who cannot avoid his destiny in “The Good Shepherd”.

Rinko Kikuchi as the deaf teenager, whose world is likely to implode if she is unable to communicate her desires in “Babel”.

Diane Lane for her mesmerizing turn as the wizened Hollywood trophy wife, whose dalliance with a young stud helps catapult him to stardom and just might have caused his sordid downfall in “Hollywoodland”.

Catherine O’Hara as the hardworking character actress who begins to fall for the rumors of an Oscar nomination on the set of her latest film and finds herself clamoring for more in “For Your Consideration”.

And finally, in a decision that had our judges fighting capped tooth and lacquered nail to decide if this was indeed eligible – it is – we have decided to include a single nomination for the work of two very talented ladies whose performances depend whole heartedly on each other.

We refer of course to veteran actresses Meryl Streep and Lily Tomlin, as the lovingly contentious Johnson sisters, Rhonda and Yolanda who bicker, harmonize, stroll down memory lane and end up charming the pants off the audience in Robert Altman’s final masterpiece: “A Prairie Home Companion”. We list them as one nomination, for rarely have two actresses’ performances melded together in such blissful thespian joy. Their interaction, the way they volley back and forth, speaking over, under and through each other’s dialogue to display a firm grasp of character, trust and a shared history that lays out their complicated relationship.

Champagne and cheers to the gals in the Supporting category! As for the Best Actresses of 2006, you might think you’ve heard all their names called out by the various critical and industry groups – but you would be wrong. There were so many wonderful lead turns by the ladies, that we had to list them ALL! (We’ll try to be brief. We swear!)

Catherine Deneuve as the weary wife and mother whose decades old tryst returns to upturn her life in “Les temps qui changent”.

Kirsten Dunst as the title character in “Marie Antoinette”. Her performance was a revelation to us. While she has always been a charismatic actress, rarely has she been allowed to pursue a character with such gusto and brilliance. Her portrayal of the young princess at age fourteen flowed effortlessly into the mature woman who found herself thrust upon history’s stage at the worst moment for the high court of France.

Gretchen Moll as the famed pin-up gal in “The Notorious Bettie Page”. If anybody had told us that we would enjoy a film with Gretchen Moll as the lead, let alone find her to be a wonderful actress – we would have beaten them to death with a cat-o-nine tails. Which is one of the few props that this simple and honest lady held sway in her “secret” life of mid-century masturbatory fantasy. Gretchen made us believe in the purity of Bettie Page as she catered to the whims of pervs the world over, while maintaining her feet on the ground and a delicious sense of humor regarding the whole ideal. A lovely turn that was curiously overlooked by the awards groups. People, if you want to crown the next young thing, you might pay better attention when one of them actually shines.

Charlotte Rampling for “Vers le sud”. Yet another fantastic performance for this highly underrated actress. We loved the way she held court over the lesser mortals in her portrayal of a woman who rules her island sexual retreat with intimidation and a haughty reserve.

Laura Smet as Senta Bellange in “La demoiselle d’honneur”. A rock solid blistering homage to the Film Noir heroines of the past. Laura Smet was mesmerizing as the deadly enchantress whose make believe world destroys all who dare cross her path.

Naomi Watts as Kitty Fane in “The Painted Veil”. One of the most dependable and talented leading ladies working today. Her performance as the bored young wife to a crusading doctor in the war torn China of the 1930s anchored this almost lovely film. While the last half of the film had many issues, her portrayal was the honest center to the maelstrom of emotions, politics and melodrama.

Kate Winslet as Sarah Pierce in “Little Children”. Miss Winslet who earned her fifth Oscar nomination for her portrayal of the bored suburban mom who succumbs to desire and almost falls prey to a darker menace lurking within their idle playgrounds.

The seven performances listed above were all deserving of the top honors, but this past year saw a remarkable amount of fine acting turns. The following six ladies deserve the accolades and honors they received. Except for one that might surprise you, if you failed to catch her brilliant performance.

Annette Bening as the monstrously self absorbed mother who seemingly abandons her husband and child in order to pursue her demented dreams of achieving acclaim for her overwrought poetry in “Running with Scissors”. A comic tour-de-force performance that finds the horror and truth inside this imbalanced creature. A pity her richly colorful performance was trapped underneath the layers of pop theatrics of the less than successful film.

Penélope Cruz as Raimunda in “Volver”. Shattering all preconceived notions about her mighty talent, Señorita Cruz returned with her mentor, Pedro Almodóvar’s breathtaking melodrama of family secrets. At turns feisty, comical, sensual, loving, clever and always with her feet firmly planted on the Iberian ground, Penélope delivered one of the most full bodied (pun intended) and rich performances in any year.

Dame Judi Dench as the sociopathic schoolteacher whose unhealthy obsession with a comrade mirrors her years of self denial in “Notes on a Scandal”. A completely selfless performance that demonstrated what the world already knew. Dame Judi is one kick ass actress who is not afraid of tearing down her vanity and letting her emotions rip full steam ahead.

Laura Dern for her three or four (?) performances in David Lynch’s “INLAND EMPIRE”. Not since the days of Von Sternberg and Dietrich has there been a director and star so closely tied together in their professional paths. Their collaboration even garnered a special prize at this year's Independent Spirit Awards! David Lynch has found the ideal actress to ground his macabre, twisted, volatile, hypnotic and artistic screen fantasies. She might be the everywoman, or the gal next door – but there is nothing ordinary in her ability to reflect his surrealistic nightmares. She is the central grounding figure in his world run amuck with visual metaphors, sublime horror and distilled erotica.

Isabelle Huppert for “Gabrielle”. While you certainly have heard the names of Annette, Penelope, Judi, Laura and of course, Helen throughout the awards season – there was one towering performance last year that has seemingly slipped through the cracks. Isabelle Huppert has been France’s national acting treasure for decades. One could easily find ten or twenty great performances in her oeuvre thus far. In “Gabrielle”, she shattered our expectations. As the bored, bourgeois housewife who decides to leave her life of complacent luxury and position, only to be forced to return to her cuckolded husband after being cast aside herself – she immersed herself in the role to such a degree, that it laid waste the competition. The acting duo of Isabelle Huppert and Pascal Greggory were miles ahead of any other screen couple seen in the past twelve months.

Dame Helen Mirren for “The Queen”. What can one say about this past year’s queen of the acting awards? Precious little that hasn’t been said already. As the emotionally stunted monarch of England attempting to cling desperately to the last vestiges of the fallen Empire, Dame Helen found extraordinary moments of truth behind her majesty’s stiff façade. She deserved all the awards and attention that was so generously bestowed upon her. (To a point. Just wait.)

But, wait! How could you not mention another Oscar nominee, young Abigail Breslin who charmed critics and audiences alike for her heartfelt turn in “Little Miss Sunshine”? Well, as we have mentioned in the past, while we can certainly admire the performances of youngsters, we believe that no matter how good their portrayals may be – there should be no comparison between a nine year old and a veteran. The art of acting may be instinctual, or it may be possible to perfect your craft through arduous training – but considering how few child actors maintain a career once they hit puberty, their performances must be viewed in comparison to their real peers, each other.

And so, with that in mind we look a the Outstanding Performance by a Young Actress:

Ivana Baquero as the young lady escaping her wartorn reality by entering “Pan’s Labyrinth”. Señorita Baquero embodied the artful blend of realism and fantasy that shone threw this bewitching film.

Abigail Breslin for “Little Miss Sunshine”. While we questioned the ultimate success of the film for its horribly manipulative and unbelievable ending, we never doubted young Miss Breslin’s ability to break your heart as the plump little girl with dreams of becoming a beauty pageant princess.

Shareeka Epps for “Half Nelson”. Such a pity that her honest performance was almost done in by the amateurish direction of this “Crack Kills: Afterschool Special”. Thankfully, for Miss Epps she was cast opposite the Oscar nominated Ryan Gosling who helped guide her through the rougher patches. Together, they actually seemed to develop a rapport and budding relationship that cut through the “Independent Arthouse” crap visuals and meandering script.

Sarala for “Water”. Perhaps the most curious of all our nominees. This child actress was put through the ringer as the prepubescent widow sentenced to a life time of poverty and outcast status amidst India’s socially stunted misogynistic caste system. While the promotional material and back history of the film portrayed it as a piece of social reform propaganda – it was in actuality, the oldest story known to cinema. A “Romeo and Juliet” for the bindi toting crowd. The film itself was lovely, it might have been more powerful if they had focused on the social injustices thrust upon this innocent victim – but thankfully, young Sarala captured the frustration, confusion and lust for freedom that the part called for.

And finally a special note to two cameo performances that briefly ignited the screens in the scant seconds they appeared.

Gwyneth Paltrow as the cabaret singer Kitty Deans in “Infamous”. Her breathtaking delivery of a jazz standard had to act as metaphor for the surface deep society milieu that writer Truman Capote so delighted in crashing during his heyday as the most notorious “walker” in town. Rarely has a metaphor looked or sounded so lovely.

Viola Davis as the aggrieved mother longing to hear news of her missing son in “World Trade Center”. While she may be on the screen for only a few minutes, this fiercely talented and highly underrated character actress deserves mention for finding the emotional honesty in all too trumped up paean to the crimes committed on that particular September morning.

So, alright. We’re done. But who WON? Who are the Best Actresses of 2006? Well, beloved readers . . . here they are. Our choices for the Best!

Most Valuable Player – Cate Blanchett for her brilliant trio of performances in “Babel”, “The Good German” and “Notes on a Scandal” and the Outstanding Young Actress of 2006 – Ivana Baquero for “Pan’s Labyrinth”.

Our Best Supporting Actress(es) – Meryl Streep and Lily Tomlin for “A Prairie Home Companion” and finally our Best Actress of the Year – Isabelle Huppert for “Gabrielle”! Thank you, thank you . . . ladies, take a well deserved bow! What? You didn’t think we’d just bend over like the rest of the awards givers and hand our trophy over to Dame Helen, did you? She was fantastic. Not as fantastic as Isabelle Huppert, but very deserving of the accolades. Now, quit your bitching and go rent “Babel”, “The Good German”, “Gabrielle”, “A Prairie Home Companion” and run out to the theatre and go see “Pan’s Labyrinth” and “Notes on a Scandal” to bathe in the splendors of some fiercely talented women. Bless you all!

The 79th Annual Academy Awards - Fashion & Film Review

2007-02-26T11:00:00.000-08:00

The 79th Annual Academy Awards
Sunday February 25, 2007

The civilized world can finally rest easily knowing that perennial Oscar loser, Martin Scorsese has finally won the competitive Best Director accolade on his sixth nomination. And what a lovely moment in Oscar history it was when his old chums; Francis Ford Coppola, George Lucas and Steven Spielberg were on hand to present him with his long overdue honor. Would that the Academy had extended a similar courtesy to the great Peter O’Toole on his eighth unsuccessful bid, but perhaps they’re waiting for him to deliver the goods next year. Ahem! Last night’s telecast of the 79th Annual Academy Awards was filled with humor, pathos, bathos, shadow puppets and both deserving and undeserving winners.

The selection of Scorsese’s “The Departed” as Best Picture was a marginal surprise, in that it does not reflect the breakthrough style and spirit of his earlier nominations. But quibble if you will, his mobster comedy thriller charmed the critics and his talented all star cast drew in the moviegoers. It was a “nice” if not brave moment in Oscar’s history. Much like their belated bestowing of the top prize to legendary director George Cukor and his leaden adaptation of “My Fair Lady” in the twilight of his years. Well, okay, that’s a stretch.

The other major awards went to the usual suspects this season: Dame Helen Mirren and Forest Whitaker trumping the competition for their royal turns in “The Queen” and “The Last King of Scotland” respectively. Sheneneh “chicken-necked” her way to stealing the Oscar from more deserving women for the wretched “Dreamgirls” which blissfully managed to lose the Supporting Actor Oscar that had been declared a done deal for Eddie Murphy. Veteran character actor and scene stealer supreme, Alan Arkin won for “Little Miss Sunshine” and we feel that it was the wisest choice. Given the nominees. Cough, cough.

Another very wise choice encapsulates the entire wounded spirit of Awards in general. Faithful readers will know that we simply adored Guillermo del Toro’s visionary “Pan’s Labyrinth”, finding it to be one of the Best Films of 2006. But when Cate Blanchett and Clive Owen opened the envelope for the Best Foreign Language Film to announce Germany had won for “The Lives of Others”, we couldn’t begrudge the Nazis their Oscar. Both films are truly fantastic in such disparate styles, that it was a near impossible choice to make. The true winner would be the moviegoers, who are able to run out right now and enjoy both marvelous movies! GO!!

And the real losers would be the television viewers that suffered through all twenty hours of pre-Oscar Red Carpet coverage on the E! channel. Okay, that was us. In a moment straight out of “Sunset Boulevard”, bitter Brown Betty Jennifer Holiday, the original star of the Broadway musical “Dreamgirls” stood atop the Roosevelt Hotel, next to the Cinegrill sign and belted out an emotionally overwrought version of an already musically overwrought song: “And I Am Telling You I’m Not Going”. It was one of the most pathetic moments in show business history as she looked over the red carpet to the Kodak Theatre, singing basically to the A-lister’s publicists and the paparazzi. The only way she could have redeemed herself is if she had actually jumped off the roof after finishing the final strangling chords. Pity she did not. And pity the fact she had to answer this question from Ryan “Q-tip” Seacrest without one second to regain her breath.
“Is that a tough song to sing?” Nooooooo. You bubble headed ‘Mo. It’s easy breezy, look, anybody can do it.

And now for the moment you all have been waiting for – our fashion round-up! We begin with the biggest shock to come down the red carpet in years. Our choice for the Best Dressed Woman:

Reese Witherspoon in Nina Ricci by Olivier Theyskens with Van Cleef & Arpels private-collection jewels.
Oh Sweet Jesus! Finally. After years of disappointments, last year’s Oscar winner and perennial “Worst Dressed” woman has found a look that flatters her new found freedom and assured “A-list” ranking. We almost wept with joy. And where on earth had she been hiding those curves? Brava, Reese, Brava! You done us proud. Sniffle. And how fitting that the Worst Dressed Woman off the Night would be her former nemesis from the great “Hand Me Down Crisis of 2006”:

“Off With Her Head!”
Kirsten Dunst in Chanel Haute Couture, sporting a vintage Bulgari bracelet and a clutch by Roger Vivier.
You know what you little minx, we loved your lead turn in the wonderful “Marie Antoinette”, the deserving winner of last night’s Best Costume Design Oscar and you had to go and ruin the evening for us by dressing in this. We absolutely detest everything about this look. From the seafoam hue that absolutely melts into your watery skin tone, to the dropped Peter Pan collar which accentuates your chipmunk head to the molting feathers listlessly hanging about the bottom of this mess. And to top it all off, you just couldn’t be bothered to comb your hair, so you pulled it back with a rubber band and went with floppy bangs? Hideous.

Let’s take a gander at the gals who won the Oscars, shall we?

We Are Amused!
Helen Mirren in Christian Lacroix and Chopard jewelry.
What a sexy old slag, that Helen! It may not be our favorite look of the evening, but it is certainly age appropriate and flattering to her still curvaceous frame. And she was so wonderful in Oscar winning role as “The Queen”. God Save Helen! And now, unfortunately we have to shift our eyes to last night’s Best Supporting Actress winner . . .

Science Fiction, Double Chin Creature
Jennifer Hudson in Oscar de la Renta with ice by Fred Leighton and bejeweled pumps by Manolo Blahnik.
Isn’t this lovely? We knew the cow would waddle off with the Oscar, and fine, alright, she did. For screeching and chicken necking – whatever. But we will remind our readers that we had been praising her ensembles on this season’s red carpets for judicious draping of flabbage. Well, that ends right here and right now! A. Everybody repeat after us, THERE ARE NO POCKETS ON OSCAR GOWNS!! EVER!!! B. Unless you are Elvis Presley returned from the grave as a vampire, there is no excuse for a bejeweled dickey with upturned collar. Horrid.

C. Unless your next film is a remake of “The Rocky Horror Picture Show”. To think that Sheneneh bested these far more talented ladies . . .

¡Ay, Dios Mio!
Adriana Barraza
Pobrecita, she has to sit there in the Kodak Theatre and watch Sheneneh win the Oscar over real actresses . . . and in this! We suppose she’s taking her performance in “Babel” to heart. Life really can be cruel.

Most Improved
Rinko Kikuchi looking fabulous and downright restrained in Chanel Haute Couture replete with Chanel jewelry.
Quelle surprise! We were all set for young Rinko to show up sporting some sort of trashbag bedecked with plumage or cotton balls that we had to look twice to realize it was her! Now, this may be a skootch old school for the young lass – it fairly screams “Jacqueline Kennedy Meets the Pope” – but hang it all, it works! More, we want more lovely ladies!

Heavenly.
Cate Blanchett in Armani Privé.
Perfect. Dress. Makeup. Hair. Figure. Drape. Talent. Perfect. Hate her. Kidding. Love. Moving on.

You Can Take the Latina Out of Spain . . .
Penélope Cruz in Atelier Versace with Chopard jewels and Daniel Swarovski clutch.
Oh, those Latinas, always finding new and creative ways to sweep a carpet. Well, it’s certainly dramatic. We adored her Oscar nominated performance in the sublime melodrama “Volver” so much, we’ll let his one go. We actually kind of love the Grand Opera Glam aspect of it, and she is one of the few ladies that would dare attempt such a fashion display – so what the hell!

The Absolved
Jodie Foster in Vera Wang! Rocking a shortened Jane Fonda shag do and flowing glamour gown! While she obviously still has a hankering for pale shades of blue, it is clearly an improvement from the frock she wore back in 1989 upon accepting her first Best Actress Oscar. Come to think of it . . . maybe she made this year's model from the extra fabric tacked onto her ass way back then!

Ouch! Aw well, it was the late eighties, we’ll forgive her. And we simply adore her for having no bloody clue as to the identity of Ryan Seacrest during the pre-show when he managed to nab her for an interview. A highlight of the evening.

La Belle
Catherine Deneuve in Gaultier Paris Couture with Van Cleef & Arpels jewels.
This Grande Dame of the International Cinema was on hand to present a tribute to the fiftieth anniversary of the Foreign Language Film category. We loved the montage edited together by Giuseppe Tornatore, the director of the Oscar winning “Cinema Paradiso”. Such a treat to briefly bathe in the brilliant cinematic visions of Fellini, Bergman, Truffaut, DeSica, Buñuel, etc. And speaking of lovely visions, even at the plum age of sixty three, she is still stunning. Vive la Française! Compare both Madame Deneuve and the Foreign Film montage to the following . . .

Et La Bête!
Rev. Sally Kirkland who has so bravely persists in her career despite being bat-shit crazy and resembling a dying elephant seal. This ensemble was put together by some “friend” of hers, or so she claims, that is some sort of Shaman / Monk / Guru. Clearly, the Lord is not with Sally or her friend. She should look into that. Rainbow colored batwings are NOT the “New Black” in case you were wondering. Considering that Sally is one year YOUNGER than Madame Deneuve, and comparing the hideous montage that Michael Mann put together celebrating the “Spirit of American Film” with Tornatore’s edit, (Did he actually use scenes from "1941" and "Scarface"??) we are one step closer to packing our bags and hopping the Concorde to Paris. Thanks for the inspiration, you old crazy twat. We’ll leave you with one of her more delirious quotes:

“Be still, and know that I am God.” Hooookay. Can somebody revoke her Academy membership, please? And back the camera up about eight hundred yards? Speaking of revoking Oscars . . .

The Dummy Returns
Rachel Weisz in a Vera Wang drape with Vintage Cartier necklace.
We had almost gotten over the horror of watching her win the Oscar last year only to be reminded of the fact upon her presenting the Best Supporting Actor statue to Alan Arkin. Flesh tones, gals. Think twice if yours is that particular shade of reanimated corpse. Although emerging from a tomb would help explain the hairdo. When does “wispy” and “loose” cross over to “wind shorn” and “slipshod”?

Party Crasher
Portia de Rossi in Zac Posen and Kwiat diamonds.
Nothing clears you through the restrictive Oscar security like declaring, “I’m finger fucking the hostess, now let me through!”. Let’s face it, without that not so specialized talent, this gal couldn’t get arrested in this town. Get it, “arrested”? Oh we slay ourselves sometimes.

No Problem In Getting Arrested
Robert Downey, Jr. with wife Susan both in Prada.
Such a talented and handsome ex-convict, that Bob. And good to see he can laugh at himself. Or cry. Whatever the case may be. Somebody get him a good script, will ya? And somebody else rip that Velcro off of his wife’s dress, while you’re at it.

Matron in Manhattan
Jennifer Lopez in Marchesa with a Daniel Swarovski clutch.
“Marc, Maaaarrrccccc! We’re late for the PTA meeting / Civic Light Opera benefit!” What the hell is this? This is one of the “Most Beautiful Women” in the world? What was her competition? Why would Jennifer Lopez want to wear her hair in a matronly helmet hairdon’t, and couple it with a hand me down from Martha Mitchell’s closet?

Powerless Couple
Michael Bublé and Emily Blunt in Calvin Klein – who knew?
Emily is dressed for her audition to the next Bond flick as the Russian / Scottish double agent Rimma McSpangly. We really just wish she would go away.

Gang Bangs of Los Angeles
Cameron Diaz in Valentino Couture with Cariter jewels, Roger Vivier clutch and Brian Atwood shoes.
A gang bang would help explain the conflicted lines of this frock. Did she catch her train in the limo after she caught her hem on the front door to her house after she caught the bodice in the heel of her shoe attempting to outrun her attackers?

Seventh Circle of Hell
Jessica Biel in Oscar de la Renta.
According to Dante Alighieri’s masterpiece “The Divine Comedy” – the Seventh Circle of Hell is reserved for punishing “Blasphemers, Sodomites and Usurers”. In which case, Missy Biel should fit in quite nicely under the “Usurers” category, for her sins against art. And hey, this being Hollywood, she’ll have plenty of friends from the other two categories to keep her company.

Battlefield Girth
Kelly Preston in Dolce & Galbana. Fatso in Giorgio Armani.
“Keep holding still, Kelly, they’re almost done with our wax mannequins”. Kelly, a word of warning – leopard print at this stage in the game is never an option. Unless you wish to be bagged and stuffed. And that sounds more like your hubby’s alleged preference.

Eyes, Neck, Chin, Forehead and Cheekbones of Laura Mars
Faye Dunaway in J. Mendel.
Zowie! Well, we suppose when every pore on your body has been scraped, yanked and snipped by metal, you collect a lot of excess baggage around your thighs. So, clearly the Oscar winning star of such classics as “Bonnie & Clyde”, “Chinatown” and “Network” has no other option but to attempt to camouflage it by wearing an accordion pleated centerpiece from her own funeral. Nothing says “I’m Still Here” like “Gothic Chiffon”!

Dreambloat
Leonardo DiCaprio in Giorgio Armani, doing the whole “Hey, man, what’s up Dawg.” schtick. Leo. You’re white. And puffy. And greasy looking. We’d still do you. Eat a salad.

Viva Las Vegas!
Celine Dion in vintage James Galanos and Van Cleef & Arpels jewelry.
You know, as much as this woman has brought countless hours of pain to our hearts and minds and eardrums, we think this is rather a slick look for a Vegas showgirl. Oh, please people, she’s a French Canadian lounge singer living in Sin City! We’re lucky she didn’t trot out it sequined snowshoes.

“Move Your Blooming Arse!”
Anne Hathaway in Valentino and Van Cleef & Arpels jewelry and Brian Atwood shoes.
Miss Hathaway who is apparently besotted with the famed Black & White Ascot Gavotte sequence from “My Fair Lady” has taken the worst elements of that classic scene and applied them haphazardly to her lithesome frame. Which is a pity. Perhaps less bow, less lace, less dress . . . . less. The key word here, Annie, is less.

A Rush of Blood to Our Hearts
Gwyneth Paltrow looking quite nice in Zac Posen.
We know that this was not the favorite ensemble last night, but we have to disagree. She certainly has the lithesome figure and bearing to sport this. Yes, it does begin to resemble a filleted Salmon if you stare too long. Chalk it up to one of those inexplicable moments where we feel kind and loving towards Gwyneth. It certainly wasn’t for her last screen appearance. Although she was lovely in “Infamous”. Maybe we’re dizzy after gazing at all the fashions . . .

Shaken and Stirring
Daniel Craig!!!!!!! Oh, Sweet Christmas! That certainly cleared our heads.

Listen Up, Bitch
Beyoncé in Armani Privé.
We don’t care how many gold records you sell, or how many Grammys® you win, your amateur turn in “Dreamgirls” has forever tainted your reputation in this town. The Miss Universe frock held together by a Coral Reef ain’t helping matters. Trollop.

Holy Smoke, Indeed!
Kate Winslet in Valentino Couture with Chopard Jewels and a vintage Bulgari clutch.
The youngest actress in Oscar history to rack up five nominations by the still relatively young age of thirty-one, looks simply stunning in this pale green finery. We love it. We love her even more. Pay attention folks, this is the Katharine Hepburn or Meryl Streep of her generation. We think Kate can rest assured she’ll be chalking up the Oscar noms far into the autumn of her years. So come 2057 when she has to wheelchair into the Kodak Theatre to lose for the twenty third time, we’re positive she’ll look stunning.

Did you say Volvo or Valvo?
Queen Latifah in Carmen Marc Valvo with Chopard jewels and Fendi clutch.
While black may be considered “slimming” to some, using a tire-track motif may only accentuate the curves. Apparently, "Tire-tracks" are the "New Black".

MaggieHoney
Maggie Gyllenhaal in Proenza Schouler.
Oh, Maggie. You are such a talented young actress. And since your brother is our future husband, we feel close to you already. So we want to share this secret with you. Never wear a dress by two twinks that are designing for Target®!!! It’s just a hop, skid and a car wreck to Kathy Ireland territory after that. Pull it together! (Hate the feathers at the hemline the most.)

Portrait of a Star
Nicole Kidman in Balenciaga by Nicolas Ghesquière with a Bottega Veneta clutch.
My, my, my. Such drama, Nicole. Now, at first we balked. Well, actually we puked. But that might have been a strong visceral reaction to the blazing color choice for your . . . how shall we put it . . . chalky, white, honky skintone. But, we must say, after gazing at it for the past twelve hours or so, it kind of grew on us. Like the Ebola Virus. Which might explain your gaunt frame. Eat something!

Oh, thank God, Nicole found some candy in her purse and is about to pop it into her mouth. Hang on . . .

The Lollipop League
Abigail Breslin in Simin with Harry Winston jewels and Daniel Swarovski clutch.
You mean there’s a person underneath that candy wrapper? We like wrapped candy. Who doesn’t like wrapped candy? We don’t think you should dress like one.

Speaking of which, this would be the Milky Discharge from the aforementioned Ebola Virus.
Naomi Watts in Escada with Chopard jewels.
Oh, Naomi. Such a beautiful and talented actress. But Naomi, darling when your dress matches the Oscar pattern on the rug (Nice, by the way. Real subtle, Academy.), and you begin to slowly melt into the background, we’re just not having it. Better luck next year.

Lemony Skintone’s Series of Unfortunate Choices
Meryl Streep who has either lost her mind or has decided to take the opportunity to pay homage to her own career on the eve of her completely unnecessary fourteenth Oscar nomination. Take an Aboriginal necklace from “A Cry in the Dark”, a radiation proof smock from “Silkwood”, the scarf she wore on her head as the cancer victim in “One True Thing”; cleverly disguised as a belt, the tablecloth from “The French Lieutenant’s Woman”, a pair of platform pumps from her society rich bitch character in “Julia” and top it off with the child you left behind in “Sophie’s Choice” and voila! Instant buswreck! Speaking of abandoning children . . .

Best Peformance by a Proud Mother Sitting in the Audience
Jada Pinkett Smith in Carolina Herrera
When Jada and her Oscar nominated hubby, Will Smith’s precociously talented young son, one Jaden Christopher Syre Smith . . . whew, that’s a big name for such a small kid . . . came out onstage to present the Oscar for Best Short Subject with Abigail Breslin . . . we’ll wait for it . . . you got it? Short Subject? Short People? Heeeeelarious! Anyway, where the fuck were we? Oh, yes, when young Christopher Jaden Kennedy Onasssis toddled out onstage, the look of pride and joy on Jada’s face was priceless! What a proud mom. We were touched. And apparently, Jada is a bit touched in the head from the looks of her ensemble. We’ll forgive her for attempting to dress like an Oscar. Mistakes happen.

We ♥ Humpyboys!
Mark Wahlberg in Giorgio Armani.
Marky Mark, you should count your lucky stars you were even nominated for “The Departed”. We loved the film, and every other actor in the piece. Now, calm down. We’d still let you smack us around and berate us.

Speaking of which . . .
Ryan Gosling in Valentino
You talented little emo-cutie. You’re young. They’ll be plenty more awkwardly-filmed-independent-dimestore-flicks-completely-lacking-in-plot-or-substance for you to be lauded for. Too many, probably.

Closer, come closer . . .
Clive Owen in Giorgio Armani.
Oh, sweet baby Jesus, this one does our collective heads in! Whew! Somebody fan us, quick! Or get the smelling salts. Or . . .

AGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?????
Oh, it’s just Patricia Field. Seriously, folks. The Academy almost done themselves in this year by choosing to nominate this fright wigged sow for a Best Costume Design Oscar for basically picking clothes off a rack at Century21 in “The Devil Wears Prada”. Thank God she lost. Now hopefully, she’ll just go away. This has to be the worst, right?

Spoke too soon . . .
Eva Green in Givenchy with Etoile de Montblanc Haute Joaillerie.
We didn’t think it was possible for the lovely Eva Green to look worse than her ensemble she sported at the BAFTA’s. We were wrong. At least that one had a little color. Is this a late tribute to “The Corpse Bride”? Sadly no.

You’ll Never Get Plastic Surgery in This Town Again!
Last night’s deserving recipient of the Jean Hersholt Humanitarian Oscar was Sherry Lansing, the legendary former boss lady of Hollywood. Whose face unfortunately looked tighter than a snare drum. It didn’t help that she wore some bizarre satanic tinged frock that resembled the ending to “Staying Alive”. Maybe her hubby William Friedkin, the famed director of “The Exorcist” is to blame? We don’t care. Moving on.

Los Dos Amigos
So, while our beloved trio of Mexican auteurs failed to reap in the big awards, their strong showing in the nominations did help considerably in widening their audiences. And speaking of Mexicans we’d like to see widen their range, if you catch our drift. How cute are Gael García Bernal and his fuck buddy (we hope) Diego Luna? Pity, Gael had to endure Seacrest’s patented brand of uniformed reporting. We sat in amazement as he was forced to reply to this barrage of insults:
“What was it like working with Brad Pitt?”
“We didn’t film together, we had separate storylines. I was in Mexico, he was in Morocco.”
“What is he like?”
“I’ve only met him once at a press conference.”
“You’re so lucky to work with Brad.”
“I took the part because the director Alejandro González Iñárritu is one of my best friends.”
“What do you think of Brad?”

Thud.

Thankfully, the show itself was helped considerably by the charms of Ellen Degeneres in her maiden outing as the hostess. Although, if she returns next year and we see no reason she shouldn’t, she might want to ban the Shadow Puppet Troupe. And while the final votes may not have surprised us, we salute the Winners and Losers of the 79th Annual Academy Awards! Bless you all!

The 79th Annual Academy Awards – The Winners!

Best Picture: "The Departed"
Director: Martin Scorsese, "The Departed"
Actress: Helen Mirren, "The Queen"
Actor: Forest Whitaker, "The Last King of Scotland"
Supporting Actress: Jennifer Hudson, "Dreamgirls"
Supporting Actor: Alan Arkin, "Little Miss Sunshine"
Foreign Language Film: "The Lives of Others," Germany
Animated Feature Film: "Happy Feet"
Adapted Screenplay: William Monahan, "The Departed"

Original Screenplay: Michael Arndt, "Little Miss Sunshine"

Costume Design: "Marie Antoinette"

Art Direction: "Pan's Labyrinth"

Cinematography: "Pan's Labyrinth"

Sound Mixing: "Dreamgirls"

Sound Editing: "Letters From Iwo Jima"

Original Score: "Babel"
Original Song: "I Need to Wake Up" from "An Inconvenient Truth," Melissa Etheridge

Documentary Feature: "An Inconvenient Truth"
Documentary (short subject): "The Blood of the Yingzhou District"

Film Editing: "The Departed"

Makeup: "Pan's Labyrinth"
Animated Short Film: "The Danish Poet"
Live Action Short Film: "West Bank Story"

Visual Effects: "Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest"

Honorary Award: Ennio Morricone

Jean Hersholt Humanitarian Award: Sherry Lansing

Amazing Grace - Movie Review

2007-02-23T12:40:00.000-08:00

Amazing Grace (2007)

Back in 1945, we like most of the free world were busy celebrating the end of WWII. Whew, that was tough on the nylons having all the boys back at once, but that’s another story. A lovely little stark melodrama came out from Warner Bros. It was called “Pride of the Marines” and starred three of our favorites: John Garfield, Eleanor Parker and Dane Clark. It concerned the real life drama of veteran Al Schmid, a GI blinded during the war who has an understandably tough time readjusting to civilian life. And why are we talking about a WWII GI drama when we’re supposed to be reviewing “Amazing Grace”, the latest film by Michael Apted? Well, they share two things in common. One, they are both fine melodramas featuring some well tuned performances. And two, they both suffer from what we like to call “Movie Marketing Mayhem”. Take a gander at the original trailer for “Pride of the Marines” over here. Wasn’t that sweet. Makes you feel all patriotic and rah-rah, don’t it? Only problem is that there are precious few moments concerning the war in the actual film, it focused on Al adjusting to being blind and attempting to overcome his physical challenges with the love and support of his friends. The trailer makes it seem like Eleanor Parker is about to storm a hill in Guam, for Christ’s sake.

“Amazing Grace” is a film that we hesitated to see, since the ad campaign and previews promised us the backstory to the well known sing-a-long eponymous hymn. What the hymn “Amazing Grace” has to do with William Wilberforce’s decades long battle to abolish slavery in the United Kingdom is tangential at best and hardly the focus of this well made movie. So much for truth in advertising.

In 1789, British politician and philanthropist William Wilberforce made his first plea in the House of Commons to abolish the British slave trade. His impassioned speech fell on deaf ears, as many a Lord was hesitant to say the least to help end a trade that accounted for millions of pounds that filled their coffers. The rights of man be damned, there was money to make off those darkies! Throughout the next four decades (!), he would fight tirelessly to secure the rights of African slaves to be freed of their majesties shackles. When the law banning slavery in the U.K. finally passed, he would barely live to see it enacted. But the name of William Wilberforce would enter histories’ pages as that of a committed and passionately devoted man who put his money where his mouth was and deserved the accolades of his nation.

Ioan Gruffudd, that Welsh hotty known for blowing his horn stars as Wilberforce in a nicely played turn that demonstrates his fine capabilities as a leading man. We enjoyed his straightforward manner in approaching the character without sanctifying his actions or gazing starry eyed into the heavens. Here is a man whose struggle to achieve his life’s ambitions are paramount in his thoughts. His health and well being run a distant second and third.

As his potential love interest, Romola Garai cuts a very elegant figure in her luxurious finery courtesy of the very talented Oscar winning designer, Jenny Beavan. While Miss Garai remains rather an unknown stateside, she is no stranger to the costume drama with such notable work in: “Daniel Deronda”, “Nicholas Nickleby” and “Vanity Fair”. While she is certainly not the focus of the plot, she too has a natural way of filling out a corset and maintaining a strong presence throughout.

Two of our favorite young character actors also make their voices heard: Stephen Campbell Moore who was so delightful in his film debut in the very underrated “Bright Young Things”, does a fine turn as James Stephen, the voice of reason amidst the political chaos and the unprecedented harbinger of light at histories darkest hour.

And as the famous William Pitt the Younger, England’s youngest Prime Minister who led the country at the astonishingly green age of twenty four (!), the baroquely named Benedict Cumberbatch demonstrates his solid acting chops. We just came across Mr. Cumberbatch recently as the bumbling über-Geek in the surprisingly charming “Starter for 10” and find him to be quite the interesting young actor. We were more than pleased to see he was quite adept at handling the dramatic chores to be found in a “Wig Drama”.

As with any historical drama focusing on politics, there are ample roles for character actors that excel in the formal language and style of the day. Toby Jones, Ciarán Hinds, Rufus Sewell and Michael Gambon all add a further notch of fine supporting turns as the politicos on both sides of the argument.

One of the more interesting cast members is famed Senegalese vocalist Youssou N’Dour who appears as Olaudah Equiano, the legendary former slave who helped promote the abolitionist movement with his bestselling autobiography of the time. If ever a brief role needed the heft and presence of a “star”, this one is it. While his screen time may be short, his image and charisma remains.

And finally, we arrive at the reason this film has such a lousy marketing campaign. Five time Oscar nominee, Albert Finney briefly appears as John Newton, the man who penned the endlessly appealing title song. As the famed former slaveship captain who repented his sins and fought alongside William Wilberforce in the cause to abolish the heinous crime against mankind, Finney may be the right choice in mind and body – but his role seems to be more of an afterthought to the proceedings. It’s as if the powers that be decided they could fill more theatre seats by milking the evergreen tune’s seemingly universal appeal over the actual storyline.

Which is a real shame, since “Amazing Grace” is a very solid piece of filmmaking from veteran director Michael Apted. It is hardly cutting edge or revolutionary in its storytelling, rather it is that rare breed of film. A stalwartly old fashioned piece of biopic that recalls the halcyon days of “1930s Studio Biographies”. This film may be historical in more than its subject matter. It would be equally at home alongside “The Life of Emile Zola” or “Dr. Ehrlich’s Magic Bullet”. Which is certainly not a criticism on our part. For all the fun and zeal we feel watching a modern filmmaker test the boundaries of the medium, there surely must be room in today’s cinema for a well told tale illuminating one of histories darkest passages. “Amazing Grace” will not shake you out of your theatre seat with blazing visuals or salacious subject matter. Rather it will entertain and educate with a very fine cast of actors recreating a story that is innately dramatic. The fight to pursue the rights of man at the cost of overturning the set social hierarchy. It’s a courtroom drama told under the gaslight of a talented director that earns its praises. Bless you all!

Directed by Michael Apted
Written by Steven Knight

Starring
Ioan Gruffudd as William Wilberforce
Stephen Campbell Moore as James Stephen
Benedict Cumberbatch as William Pitt the Younger
Nicholas Day as William Dolben
Albert Finney as John Newton
Michael Gambon as Lord Charles Fox
Romola Garai as Barbara Spooner
Georgie Glen as Hannah More
Ciarán Hinds as Lord Tarleton
Toby Jones as Duke of Clarence
Sylvestra Le Touzel as Marianne Thornton
Youssou N’Dour as Olaudah Equiano
Bill Paterson as Lord Dundas
Rufus Sewell as Thomas Clarkson
Jeremy Swift as Richard the Butler

Cinematography by Remi Adefarasin
Film Editing by Rick Shaine
Costume Design by Jenny Beavan
Original Music by David Arnold
Production Design by Charles Wood
Art Direction by David Allday and Matthew Gray
Set Decoration by Eliza Solesbury

The Oscars - A 70th Anniversary Tribute

2007-02-19T15:40:00.000-08:00

Happy 70th Anniversary to the Oscars - A Tribute and Brief History of the Supporting Actor & Actress Categories!

“Through the years, awards have mushroomed as after a cloudburst, but there is only one Oscar. Belittle, scoff at or denigrate him as you will, when your name comes bounding out of that microphone I defy adrenal glands of marble not to quiver.” – Anne Baxter, Best Supporting Actress winner for “The Razor’s Edge”, 1946

Seventy? What the hell do you mean seventy? It’s the seventy-ninth Oscar ceremonies that will be held this Sunday. Well, yes. It certainly is, but when the nominations were announced and we posted our reactions to them, we ended by noting that this year marked a very special anniversary for Oscar, and so it does. We even teased you with a photograph of this lovely lady to help spark your memory.

Remember her? No? Well, that dear readers is none other than the beautiful and talented Gale Sondergaard, the first recipient of the Best Supporting Actress Oscar for her role in the period epic, “Anthony Adverse” in 1936. While Miss Sondergaard would go on to receive an additional nomination for “Anna and the King of Siam” in 1944, her career would be derailed for twenty years during the McCarthy witch hunts for refusing to testify. But she would bravely return in character roles and continue to act until two years prior to her death in 1983!

Her co-nominees that inaugural year were: Beulah Bondi, the maven of all motherly roles in the historical sudster “The Gorgeous Hussy”. Alice Brady as the matriarch to the wildly dysfunctional clan in “My Man Godfrey” – one of the best screwball comedies.

Bonita Granville, the first of many child actresses to earn an Oscar nomination, for her malicious little gossip in “These Three” the de-gayed version of Lillian Hellman’s groundbreaking play “The Children’s Hour”. And the grand old dame Maria Ouspenskaya, for her divine turn in the masterful “Dodsworth”.

The first Best Supporting Actor Oscar went to that great character actor, Walter Brennan for “Come and Get It”. It would be the first of his three record setting wins in that category! (Greedy bastard.)

His co-nominees were: Mischa Auer, as a slightly unhinged layabout in “My Man Godfrey”.

Stuart Erwin, erroneously categorized (see below) in the musical comedy “Pigskin Parade”. The dashing Basil Rathbone for his fiery Tybalt in the deluxe MGM version of “Romeo and Juliet”.

And that chubby scene stealer nonpareil, Akim Tamiroff for his turn in “The General Died at Dawn”.

While the Oscars may be seventy nine years in the running, they only deemed it right to start honoring supporting or featured players in their ninth year. (Handing out plaques, in lieu of actual statuettes, even! The Supporting Acting Winners would have to wait until 1943 before they started receiving the full Oscars.)

Let’s back up a bit and give you some history. When the Oscars began in 1929, they were still a semi-informal industry affair that was selected by a small group of studio honchos, honoring the magic of movies in twelve separate categories. As the Academy grew over the years, many categories changed or morphed and would continue to do so even to the present day.

As we noted in our Brief History of the Academy Awards . . . sigh, you did read it, didn’t you? NO? Well read it! There. Great stuff, wasn’t it? Anyway, as we were saying, the Academy began as a way to help the industry build up its artistic reputations and more importantly, to help mediate any contract disputes between the many unions that were springing up willy nilly. What with the Screen Actor’s, Writer’s and Director’s Guild all taking shape around them, the Academy considered itself the ultimate arbitrator when it came to smoothing out any problems. Well, they were wrong. The unions became incensed with the Academy’s lack of bi-partisanship and quickly threatened to remove any support of their by now famous Academy Awards celebrations.

By 1935, the situation had reached a critical mass. The guilds had successfully boycotted the Oscar ceremonies, sending a shiver up the spine of the Academy’s then president, noted film director Frank Capra. By the following year, he had worked out a plan to ensure their participation and support. Hand out more acting awards! And you know what? It worked. Imagine, actors falling prey to praise. Who knew?

Prior to 1936, a few supporting performances had managed to creep into the official nominations. Lewis Stone in “The Patriot” – 1928/29, Frank Morgan in “The Affairs of Cellini” – 1934 and Franchot Tone in “Mutiny on the Bounty” – 1935, all received Best Actor nominations for what was clearly fine work in the as yet to be created supporting category. They all lost. Which is no surprise, considering the imbalance between the categories (one would think, but just you wait!). Another actor, Adolphe Menjou received a Best Actor nomination for his role in “The Front Page” in 1930/31, a role that could be considered supporting or lead depending on your viewpoint. And here we come to the great debate concerning the supporting acting categories. What constitutes a “supporting” performance?

When the inaugural categories were announced in 1936, they still managed to mix up a few names. Stuart Erwin who was the top billed leading actor in “Pigskin Parade” was up for Supporting Actor, and second lead Spencer Tracy was nominated for Best Actor for “San Francisco”. One of the most controversial choices for Best Actress would be Luise Rainer whose career erupted with two Oscar wins in consecutive years and then faded into obscurity. Her first Best Actress Oscar was won for her supporting role in MGM’s opulent biography of “The Great Ziegfeld”.

It would be a pattern that would continue throughout the years, reaching their zenith in 1944 when Barry Fitzgerald managed something that no other actor has before or since. He was nominated for “Going My Way” – in BOTH categories! Prior to this major snafu, the Academy had no rules on categorization, permitting the final vote tallies to decide. After this major embarrassment, and after awarding Mr. Fitzgerald a Best Supporting Actor statuette, thank you very much, they changed the rules.

And still they managed to fuck it up. Over the years there have been several discrepancies between what one would consider a true Lead or Supporting performance. This current year brings two further controversial nominations. Meryl Streep has scored a ridiculous fourteenth nomination for her supporting turn in the slight comedy “The Devil Wears Prada”, a nomination that is insulting on its own without the added stigma of clearly being a supporting role. Harumph. The lovely and talented Cate Blanchett received her third nomination for “Notes on a Scandal” in the supporting category, but we happen to think that her role is as important to the storyline of the material as her co-star and co-billed Judi Dench who scored a Best Actress nod.

And so the question remains how to make a differentiation between the two categories? You can take into account: star billing, length of role, whether the story revolves around that particular character or they are ancillary . . . all of which can be chucked out the limo window come Oscar night. Just consider such leading roles as: Walter Matthau for “The Fortune Cookie”, Terence Stamp for “Billy Budd” . . .

Timothy Hutton for “Ordinary People”, Jamie Foxx for “Collateral" . . .

Jake Gyllenhaal for “Brokeback Mountain” . . .

And Geena Davis for “The Accidental Tourist" . . . all of whom played either the lead or co-lead in their films and yet were nominated or in the cases of Walter, Timothy and Geena, actually won the coveted prize.

But in our expert opinion, the most egregious errors have been in awarding the Lead Acting Oscars to performances that were clearly supporting in nature. For example: Patricia Neal’s wonderful turn in “Hud”, Louise Fletcher’s incarnation of benevolent evil in “One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest” and in the Academy’s worst example of overachieving, the Best Actor winner of 1991 – Anthony Hopkins for “The Silence of the Lambs”. Yes, we know. His performance has become the stuff of legends. But if you would be so kind as to go back and actually watch the movie, you would realize that he is barely in it! His total screen time is less than eighteen minutes. By no stretch of the imagination should that be considered a leading actor role. And yet, as happens in so many years: sentimentality or worse, a lack of good roles leads the Academy to mis-categorize the nominees.

Still, despite the mix-ups, we are thrilled that the Academy decided seventy years ago to acquiesce to the demands of needy actors and instate two additional acting categories. For in the past seventy years, we have seen some of our favorite screen performances enter the hallowed ranks of winners, losers and yes, even the overlooked come Oscar night; with this year being no exception. In the next few days we will be taking a closer look at our favorites in the Supporting Actor and Actress categories, and hope you will join us in celebrating the birth of some stars, the crowning glory of some veterans and the inevitable moment that comes with looking back at Oscar history – the “who the hell was that” moment? For now, let’s take another glance at the first winners in the category and raise a glass in their honor. Thanks to Gale and Walter, who started it all! Bless you all!

Breach - Movie Review

2007-02-16T15:59:00.000-08:00

Breach 2007

“I should tease you, but that just gets me into trouble.” – Robert Hanssen

When FBI Agent Robert Hanssen was denounced as a traitor against the U.S. government and revealed as a Soviet spy who exchanged secrets freely for over two decades his case made national headlines. Six years later we have a major motion picture depicting his downfall. If you don’t count the television biopic starring our beloved William Hurt and Mary-Louise Parker. Moving on.

On the plus side, “Breach” features an award worthy performance by Oscar winner Chris Cooper that more than makes up for its pitfalls. Coupled with the directorial talents of Billy Ray who has already explored the dark side of betrayal in the very fine and underrated “Shattered Glass” concerning the full time pathological liar and part time journalist Stephen Glass. That film also featured an award worthy performance by Peter Sarsgaard. Go rent it now! Back to “Breach”. While we had hoped for the best with such a fine cast and crew, we ended up feeling more than a tad "teased" by the end results. Specifically by the uneven script and its lack of focus on this most interesting man.

Instead of focusing on Hanssen’s motivation and plight alone, “Breach” takes the form of a political thriller by casting humpy Ryan Phillippe as Eric O’Neill, the young Investigative Specialist, aka a “Ghost” for the FBI’s special surveillance group who was placed as Hanssen’s assistant in order to gather incriminating evidence to help bring him down. Despite Mr. Phillippe’s brave attempt to flesh out this less interesting character, the film seems to lose its way by avoiding the more interesting protagonist. Or antagonist, as the case may be.

Chris Cooper has been delivering fine performances since the late eighties, and it is always a pleasure to watch this sterling performer sink his teeth into an interesting role. Here, portraying a man who hides behind layers of deceit and dubious morality, he is mesmerizing. Lips pursed in a pseudo scowl, eyes a twitter with doubt and underhanded intent – he dominates every scene he is in. Thankfully, the film rarely strays from this mystery man who plotted to bring down his seemingly beloved country for the price of ignoring his own self aggrandized ego.

If the film had attempted to recount his final days of freedom by guiding us along on his journey, we think we would have found the effect stunning. But like many filmmakers before him, Billy Ray is in desperate search of a hero for the audience to latch onto. We think it is a crucial mistake.

For while Ryan Phillippe has slowly developed into a very interesting young actor, more than capable of holding his own in a stark drama – witness his very fine turn last year in “Flags of Our Fathers”, he is not able to captivate the screen in the overpowering presence of Chris Cooper. Neither is the rest of the hard working cast. To wit:

Laura Linney, the two time Oscar nominee who has taken to carving out a niche for herself as the new Glenn Close –appears as Kate Burroughs, the head of the division bearing down on Hanssen. We did enjoy the glint in her eye as she terrorizes Ryan Phillippe into maintaining his goal, while harboring deep secrets of her own. Are all FBI agents lying, backstabbing twats? Harumph.

On a much smaller scale, four talented performers appear far too briefly to register as little more than character types. Oscar nominee Kathleen Quinlan, the onetime darling ingénue of the seventies brings a calm presence and mature beauty to the role of Hanssen’s wife. A woman who exudes motherly warmth and good Christian “morality” – when not allowing herself to be duped as well by her conniving hubby.

Gary Cole and Dennis Haysbert are barely distinguishable as two pert G-men who are fully immersed in the agency’s grand scheme to bring Hanssen to his knees. If it weren’t for the variation in their skin tones, we might never have kept them separate.

That talented Oscar nominee Bruce Davison drops by for a cameo as Ryan’s father, whose shoulder is readily available to cry on at the perfectly postcard moment.

And last and certainly least, young Caroline Dhavernas who was so wonderful on that criminally overlooked television series “Wonderfalls” is horribly miscast as the whiny, clinging, German émigré spouse to Ryan Phillippe. After enjoying her skilled method of lunacy on that cancelled charmer, we were shocked to find her struggling in a role that called for little more than a wink, a nod and an unnecessary confrontation scene that only serves to reinforce Ryan’s all consuming mission.

We were thankful to leave the less interesting supporting cast behind, in order to get back to the more fascinating aspects of this docudrama. Watching Chris Cooper wheedle around the FBI’s various mousetraps, and the rapidly growing confidence of his young charge / mole is the soul of this soulless movie.

Perhaps part of our trouble with “Breach” was its unlucky timing coming on the heels of the far superior political thriller concerning betrayal and honor from Germany, the Oscar nominated “The Lives of Others”. That film was so successful in juggling the interpersonal, the political and the historical – that it left us breathless. “Breach” only left us wanting to find a better script for Chris Cooper.

Still, his moments are so powerful we find ourselves recommending the movie to our dear readers in order to experience such a great turn! We know, we know. We must be drinking more than usual. But watch how Cooper handles his body in this film. He has internalized his own fears of being discovered to the point that he has complete confidence in his ability to continue the charade. His façade never cracks, and yet his mannerisms seem to betray him. A devout Catholic who bears no fear of being branded “politically incorrect” by his co-workers – he bullies Ryan Phillippe’s character into divulging his own secrets and fears. Secrets that will come back to haunt Hanssen, as he mistakenly takes pride in the young man’s seeming acquiescence.

It does ultimately seem a wonder that this man, a devout member of Opus Dei, who is obsessed with watching videos of Catherine Zeta-Jones movies alone in his office . . . whew! . . . that alone should have been cause to imprison him. But we digress. It is almost comical how much time and energy the FBI invested in bringing down a man who had managed to fool them completely for two decades, only to entrust the entire proceedings on a rookie trainee whose mastery of a palm pilot would prove to be the smoking gun moment they had longed for.

The ending shot is not based on fact, which is a scene that might work dramatically but borders on the ridiculous. Cooper and Phillippe handle the scene well enough, but it rings of fiction and is ultimately unnecessary. The film’s coda reveals Hanssen’s fate, which is probably one of the most painful ever to be presented for treasonous acts. It seems that the real Hanssen is destined to live out his life alone in a maximum security prison where he is held in solitary confinement for twenty three hours of the day! Thankfully, “Breach” will only hold you captive for two hours, both of which are more than tolerable for the opportunity to bask in the talent of Chris Cooper. Bless you all!

Directed by Billy Ray
Written by Adam Mazer, William Rotko and Billy Ray
Story by Adam Mazer and William Rotko

Starring
Chris Cooper as Robert Hanssen
Ryan Phillippe as Eric O’Neill
Laura Linney as Kate Burroughs
Caroline Dhavernas as Juliana O’Neill
Gary Cole as Rich Garces
Dennis Haysbert as Dan Plesac
Kathleen Quinlan as Bonnie Hanssen
Bruce Davison as John O’Neill

Cinematography by Tak Fujimoto
Film Editing by Jeffrey Ford
Original Music by Mychael Danna
Costume Design by Luis Sequeira
Production Design by Wynn Thomas
Art Direction by Andrew M. Stearn
Set Decoration by Gordon Sim

Das Leben der Anderen / (The Lives of Others) - Movie Review

2007-02-16T14:26:00.000-08:00

Das Leben der Anderen / (The Lives of Others) 2007

One of the great payoffs for being nominated for the Best Foreign Language Film Oscar is the bump in release time. Instead of the six months to three years (!) delay in distributing a well received foreign flick, the Oscar nod helps considerably in landing the honored film into the theatres stateside. And so, we are faced with Germany’s bid for the little gold man: “The Lives of Others / Das Leben der Anderen” written and directed by Florian Henckel von Donnersmarck. Whew! We’re exhausted just typing his name! Although it does roll off the tongue quite nicely. Like a pastry one might find in a Hamburg bakery.

“The Lives of Others” takes a jaundiced backwards glance at a pre-Glasnost Germany, where the Iron Curtain is firmly closed behind the infamous wall. We meet one Captain Hauptmann Gerd Wiesler, a member of the Stasi (The State Security) and a rising star in the interrogation of “the others”, or citizens of East Berlin whose activities merit suspicion, surveillance or imprisonment. The opening scene, which is a corker follows one such interrogation at the Hohenschonhausen (the central detention center of the Stasi) of a young man who is suspected of helping a neighbor escape to West Berlin. We see the cool, calculated method of interrogation which includes sleep deprivation and psychological torture. This scene is interspersed with shots of Captain Wiesler instructing students at the Stasi on the proper method of interrogating a suspect. When one of the students questions the use of sleep deprivation, Captain Wiesler takes quick note of his name for future use. Never let it be said that the Germans weren’t good at multitasking!

“The Lives of Others” is a top notch political film, with dabs of Film Noir freely interspersed. Actually, it’s more of a Film Gris with its drab palette used brilliantly throughout. It features exemplary performances, a tightly scripted floorplan that manages to incorporate so much political backstory and still maintain its fascinating dramatic flow. It is neither sentimental nor melodramatic, and yet it manages to eschew emotion by some rather miraculous turnabouts that border on the ridiculous. But we are getting ahead of ourselves. Naughty, naughty. We deserve a spanking. And we bet that those dirty Huns would just love to deliver it! Filthy Krauts.
Captain Wiesler is invited to the theatrical premiere of the latest work by one of the brightest literary stars in the GDR: one Georg Dreyman whom we are told is beyond reproach as a faithful servant to the state. The leading actress in his play is Christa-Maria Sieland, who is not only revered for her passionate talent but is playing hide the kielbasa with her author! At the premiere, we encounter Minister Bruno Hempf who it turns out has his eye on both of the pair for divergent reasons. He seems to feel in his gut that Dreyman is not quite the loyal Socialist drone he appears to be, while his feelings towards the handsome Christa-Maria (we would say lovely, but remember this is East German women we are talking about here, and we’re just grateful she didn’t have a moustache.) are of a more libidinous nature. And so Captain Wiesler is assigned to begin the “operative procedure” of monitoring their lives around the clock.

What begins as a semi-routine Orwellian exercise, turns into a terrific political thriller that dares to raise important issues all while entertaining the lederhosen off of us. The rights of the individual, the question of honor, the power of art to transform, patriotic duty to your country . . . how often do you come across a film that manages to incorporate discussions concerning such matters without boring you to death? It is so rare to discover a filmmaker that is capable of juggling dramatic storytelling skills with socio-political discussions; we almost broke down and cried at the end of this beautifully crafted film.

The cast is uniformly fine with several stand-out performances. As Captain Gerd Wiesler, Ulrich Mühe delivers a killer turn as the by-the-book military man who is determined to fulfill his duty to the state. Unfortunately for the state, inside the rigid exterior of Captain Wiesler, lies the heart of a poet. One that is capable of responding to the beauty of Brecht’s poetry and the sentiment of a Beethoven sonata.

As the famed playwright Georg Dreyman, Sebastian Koch exudes leading man charisma and the accomplished grace of truly fine actor. When his mentor and hero, the blacklisted director Albert Jerska resorts to desperate measures in this totalitarian environment, Dreyman is forced to choose between his comfortable existence and honoring his great teacher.
Martina Gedeck portrays the famed actress Christa-Maria Sieland. While she may appear to be little more than ornamental at the beginning, this is the character to keep your eye on. Her transformation from respected artist to the emotionally ravaged creature she becomes is mesmerizing.

Another Ulrich (!), what did Germany run out of good male names? What’s wrong with Adolf? Oh. Never mind. Anyway, Ulrich Tukur delivers a superb supporting turn as Lieutenant Colonel Grubitz who has assigned Captain Wiesler his post. At turns charming, raffish and embittered: his ability to assess a person’s character, or so he believes, drives his insistent need to impress his superiors of his dedication to the political line.

But if the movie had only strong actors to recommend it, it would not emerge the best film of the New Year! There, we said it. And Oscars be damned, the film wasn’t released until now, so there. What distinguishes this film from other political thrillers, including the interesting but muddled “Breach” is the artistry of its director. Especially considering that this is his feature film debut! Florian Henckel von Donnersmarck, has crafted an intricate script that manages to cover so much territory, all while keeping his eye firmly on the storytelling, tension and atmosphere. In many ways he recalls the glory days of such masterpieces of the genre as “Z”, “The Conformist”, “All the President’s Men” and the rediscovered classic “Army of Shadows” that erupted out of the movie houses last year.

While only time will tell if von Donnersmarck has the potential to fulfill his extraordinary promise he demonstrates here, he has our undying gratitude for his enviable skill. There are so many scenes of visceral clarity that we find it difficult to decide: the opening interrogation scene with its palpable tension, the clever way one of the political blackballed deals with his constant surveillance, the trust the director gives to his leading man that allows him the moments to reveal his changing political views in silent glory . . . all of them ravishing.

But we think our favorite moments involve the juxtaposed “confrontation” scenes between Captain Wiesler and Christa-Maria. Well, confrontation is hardly the word. In one, a despondent Christa-Maria wanders into a local café where Wiesler watches her and dares to approach. He is drawn to this woman – perhaps as a symbol, perhaps purely prurient in nature – in either case he braves the risk of being revealed in order to reach out to an obviously wounded person. When next there paths cross, the situation will be entirely different and the unsuspecting Christa-Maria’s moment of understanding is the dramatic highlight of the film.

The other most memorable moment is light years away in dramatics and much smaller in scope. Early in the film, Captain Wiesler and his commanding officer Grubitz overhear a young man telling a joke that ridicules the party leader. The taunting and calculated method that Grubitz uses to humiliate the prankster is handled beautifully and memorably. So memorable, that when we next see this young man towards the end of the film the scene is blistering for its sharpness and clarity. It is a moment that a hack Hollywood director would have hammered home, presumably by extended flashbacks to help spark the less sharp audience members memories. Von Donnersmarck needs no such prodding or manipulation. His vision is clear. Succint. Visceral. Emotive. Intelligent. And blissfully cinematic. Do yourselves a favor and drop what you’re doing and run out and see “The Lives of Others” – you’ll be thrilled we sent you! Bless you all!

Written and Directed by Florian Henckel von Donnersmarck

Starring
Ulrich Mühe as Captain Hauptmann Gerd Wiesler
Sebastian Koch as Georg Dreyman
Martina Gedeck as Christa-Maria Sieland
Ulrich Tukur as Oberstleutnant Anton Grubitz
Thomas Thieme as Minister Bruno Hempf
Hans-Uwe Bauer as Paul Hauser
Volkmar Kleinert as Albert Jerska
Matthias Brenner as Karl Wallner
Charly Hübner as Udo
Herbert Knaup as Gregor Hessenstein
Bastian Trost as Häftling 227
Marie Gruber as Frau Meineke
Hinnerk Schönemann as Unterleutnant Axel Stigler
Ludwig Blochberger as Benedikt Lehmann

Cinematography by Hagen Bogdanski
Film Editing by Patricia Rommel
Original Music by Stéphane Moucha and Gabriel Yared
Costume Design by Gabriele Binder
Production Design by Silke Buhr
Set Decoration by Frank Noack

Indigènes / (Days of Glory) - Movie Review

2007-02-16T09:42:00.000-08:00

Indigènes / Days of Glory 2006

While the gals from Pedro Almodóvar’s “Volver” were busy accepting their collective Best Actress honors at last year’s Cannes Film Festival, the boys from “Indigènes / Days of Glory” strolled off with the Best Actor award for their roles as brave North African soldiers. They are certainly to be commended for their fine work, and one cannot doubt the sincerity behind this wartime docudrama . . . and yet. But we are getting ahead of ourselves.

Following the Nazi occupation of France and during the height of the African campaign, the Free French Forces enlisted North Africans who had their own contentious history with La France to fight against the Nazis. Moroccans, Algerians and Berber tribesman became part of the fighting forces united against fascism, but divided as “others” from the Allies’ perspective. Remember, this was a time before Paul Haggis taught the world how to love everybody regardless of race, creed or color. Cough, cough.

Helmed by the Franco-Algerian director, Rachid Bouchareb, “Indigènes” overcomes moments of clichéd “Band of Brothers” heroics by the sheer novelty of its historical basis. The treatment of North African “Natives” (A far more faithful and accurate translation of the title than the ridiculously generic military sounding “Days of Glory”) by their Colonialists leaders is a shameful note in the battle against the Axis powers. This film, which has recently been nominated for the Best Foreign Language Film Oscar, inspired its own historical footnote by altering the laws in France that dealt with military pensions for African WW II vets. Hey, it took the U.S. government almost fifty years before they even considered reparations to Japanese-Americans for locking them up in concentration camps, cut the French some slack.

It certainly didn’t help matters that the emancipation of Algeria from France, which inspired a truly classic film, “The Battle of Algiers”, reflected years of bitterness and rancor between the two nations. A notion that has also been explored in such wonderful films as André Téchiné’s “Wild Reeds” and helped form the backbone to the layers of mystery exhumed in Michael Haneke’s superb thriller “Caché”.

But back to the film at hand. There are many things to enjoy (?) in this bloody tale of heroism and prejudice. First, the performances by the Franco-Arab cast. Jamel Debbouze, well known to international audiences for his fine comic turn in “Amélie” stars as Saïd Otmari, a physically scarred and intellectually naïve grunt who strives to please in the hopes of finding a land to call home.

Samy Naceri and Assaad Bouab portray Berber brothers who enlist for the money and the possible spoils of war.

Roschdy Zem appears as Messaoud, a deadshot marksman who falls head over heels in love with the image of France, embodied in the form of one grateful young village lass.

Sami Bouajila heads the troop as Abdelkader, a dedicated soldier who longs for the recognition of his superiors, only to encounter injustice at every turn.

As the Sergeant in charge of the motley band of natives, Bernard Blancan’s Sergent Roger Martinez appears to be the long distance type of military man who scorns his troop of “others”. Appears, being the key word.

And speaking of appearances, Mathieu Simonet of the sparkling eyes and dreamy countenance is seen briefly as Caporal Leroux. Far too briefly in our opinion for this second generation dreamboat! We will always cherish his equally handsome father Jaques Perrin’s turns in two of our favorite film fantasies: Jaques Demy’s “Les demoiselles de Rochefort” and “Peau d’âne”!

While “Indigènes” offers nothing new in structure or tone to the WWII film catalogue, its central conceit is clearly one of “protest film”. It longs to instruct and inform its audiences to the injustices delivered to the fighting men from North African who laid their lives down in the name of a free world. And for that, it is difficult to criticize, much less dismiss. While we can respect films like “Saving Private Ryan” for their technical artistry, it too fell prey to a rehashed storyline far too dependent on war film clichés.

And while some have raised legitimate questions as to the moral hypocrisy of the French government in forgetting their African brothers – we must counter with the reality that no person of color was treated fairly during the second World War, whether they be solider or citizen. Segregation and institutionalized bigotry went hand in hand with penciled on stockings and the Andrews Sisters. It certainly doesn’t help matters that several survivors of the Italian campaigns claim the North African soldiers were infamous for systematically raping and pillaging their way through Nazi-free villages. Which of course recalls the legendary scene in Vittorio De Sica’s “Two Women” where Sophia Loren in her Oscar winning role attempts unsuccessfully to save her teenaged daughter from such a fate. “Indigènes” skims over the more unpleasant aspects of solidierly misconduct with one or two lines that basically amount to: "Shame, shame, don't steal from the church and don't rape the white women."

To that we can only add that anybody who thinks wars are won by noble and just soldiers has never heard of My Lai. War is indeed hell. And the better films concerning warfare, such as this year’s double bill by Clint Eastwood take the time to reflect the horrors and injustice, as well as the human beings behind the bloodied fatigues. “Indigènes” has noble intentions, and a first rate cast of actors who hit their marks and bravely attempt to see past the politics. It is only in the fairly pedestrian direction by Rachid Bouchareb that the film slacks off. While we didn’t expect a poetic masterpiece or visionary sense of style, we did hope that the film would attempt a bit more than it does.

Still, what often helps make film such a powerful medium is the ability to shed light on a forgotten bit of history that deserves mention. And certainly one would have to have a heart of stone to not be moved by the sacrifices depicted. We just wish that the filmmakers had been braver in their examination and a tad more artistic in their storytelling. But ultimately, that does not seem to be their goal. The bravery of the North African soldiers, lost to history is their story. Most moviegoers would rather commit Hara-Kari than actually read a detailed account on the totality of man’s inhumanity to mankind. “Indigènes” sets out to do what it intends to do. To reveal a painful episode that deserves questioning. And apparently, it achieved its goal. Not a bad job at that. Bless you all!

Directed by Rachid Bouchareb
Written by Rachid Bouchareb and Olivier Lorelle

Starring
Jamel Debbouze as Saïd Otmari
Samy Naceri as Yassir
Roschdy Zem as Messaoud Souni
Sami Bouajila as Abdelkader
Bernard Blancan as Sergent Roger Martinez
Mathieu Simonet as Caporal Leroux
Benoît Giros as Capitaine Durieux
Mélanie Laurent as Margueritte
Antoine Chappey as Le colonel
Assaad Bouab as Larbi
Aurélie Eltvedt as Irène

Cinematography by Patrick Blossier
Film Editing by Yannick Kergoat
Original Music by Armand Amar and Cheb Khaled
Production Design by Dominique Douret
Costume Design by Michèle Richer

The 60th Annual British Academy Awards - Fashion & Film Review

2007-02-12T10:37:00.000-08:00

The 60th Annual Orange British Academy Awards
Sunday 11 February 2007
Royal Opera House, London

Has it really been sixty years? Well dump us in porridge, it has! Last night we witnessed the truncated telecast on BBC-America of the British Academy Awards, nicknamed the BAFTAs. Seriously, people. In sixty years, you couldn’t come up with a catchier phrase? The Limeys? Anyway, the BAFTAs have always been a shimmering affair with all the very top notch British talent showing up, glammed and glittering to receive the highest accolade from the British film community. Last night was no exception, and yet it had less sparkle to it since the delightfully talented and wickedly sharp Stephen Fry did not return as the host. Instead we got Jonathan Ross, of the forced wit and lisping drawl who proceeded to get barely a snicker from the sparkling crowd.

Hell, our future husband Jake Gyllenhaal managed to steal the show as one of the presenters with his deadpanned humor. (Cute and funny, that’s it – book the cathedral, we’re setting a date!)

As is the case with the Oscars, the BAFTAs tend to favor their own which seems a perfectly natural tendency when it comes to handing out gilded statues. The perfect example being the crowd pleasing revamp of the James Bond franchise, “Casino Royale” which topped the nominations but only managed to earn one award for Best Sound. Ah well, at least our alternate future husband, Daniel Craig can lay claim to being the first Bond lead to earn a major acting nomination for his international starmaking turn. And clearly, with the amount of jokes at the expense of his sparkling blue eyes, buff physique and pistol packing swimsuit scene – he was the star of the night. The acting awards themselves went to . . . hold onto your hats, this might stun you . . . Helen Mirren, Forest Whitaker and Jennifer Hudson!

We know, we know. We too were under the assumption that winning every other acting award in Christendom had narrowed their chances. The only acting award surprise, went to Alan Arkin for his delightful turn in “Little Miss Sunshine”. Personally, we were hoping they would have honored the very talented James McAvoy for his grand leading role in “The Last King of Scotland”, for which he was mistakenly nominated in the Supporting Actor category along with the very deserving Michael Sheen for “The Queen”. Still, we don’t begrudge Mr. Arkin his honor. And we certainly don’t begrudge the gals for turning out in some very wonderful fashions! Cheers to the ladies! (And some of the blokes.)

In particular:

¡Lo mejor!
Penélope Cruz in Oscar de la Renta and Chopard jewels
While some might quibble that Miss Cruz has opted for the safety of a brocaded tit-gown; we admire the fact that it fits her, flatters her hourglass figure, manages to suit the “Prestigious Awards Show Fashion” parameters without revolting us. All in all, a safe and lovely choice. Bravo!

Rescued!
Kate Winslet in Ben de Lisi with Chopard jewels
After her appallingly washed out display at the Globes, Miss Winslet appeared absolutely ravishing in this extraordinarily simple gown. Okay, the idea has been around since time began, but at least it works! She ain’t gonna win any awards for it, but it gives us hope for her turn down the red carpet come Oscar time. We’re keeping our fingers crossed, Kate – DON’T FUCK IT UP!

The Spy Who Scared the Living Fuck Out of Us!
Eva Green in Dior with Cartier jewelry
A. You’re a beautiful and talented young actress. B. You deserved your “Rising Star” award last night. C. We like you so much; we didn’t even mind you draping your lithesome Gallic frame over our future husband Daniel Craig – much. D. What in God’s creation were you thinking when you allowed some demented queen to rat your hair out to Brillo pad status? Is she going bald? Maybe it’s her pathetic attempt to distract us from the Mummy-like motif of her gown. Or the bejeweled cuffs and choker that would have embarrassed Her Imperial Majesty the Empress Consort Alexandra Feodorovna of Russia. Or simply bad taste. In any case, she certainly wins our Worst Dressed Award. Congrats! We think.

Gideon’s Strumpet
Emily Blunt in Elie Saab and Cartier rocks
First, this is an improvement over the heinous GG ensemble – congrats on the step up, you bint. Secondly, there is something almost appealing to this glittering doily avec cummerbund, in a tarty Bob Mackie kind of way. Maybe it’s the Robin’s Egg blue that is hypnotizing us with thoughts of inner peace and dewey spring mornings resting on a bucolic hillside somewhere . . . what were we talking about? Oh, her! No, it still doesn’t work.

We Said “Resign”, not “Design”.
Maria Grachvogel
Who recently commented on her design philosophy: “We are offering something very special here – the pleasure of owning something truly unique.” If by unique, Maria, you mean tarted-up-animal-print-throw-rug, well then, yes. Maria claims to make women feel like “goddesses”. We were not aware of the existence of an Albino Cheetah Goddess – but we’ll take her word for it.

Rule, Britannia! Britannia, rule the waves!
Dame Helen Mirren in Jaques Azagury with Chopard jewels
Well, this is quite nice for the Dame, ain’t it? Color, silhouette, suitably glamorous without being whorish. It’s certainly age appropriate – no labial flaps tripping her on the way out of the limo, no-sirree-bob! However, the crumpled mess of a train that Dame Helen apparently chose to sleep in last night is not exactly our favorite look. Iron! Ever heard of it? We’ll let it go this time, but she better get her wrinkly act together for the Oscars. We’re referring to the dress, not her neckline. On second thought, a tiny yank and pull couldn’t hurt.

Speaking of which . . .
Sally Farmiloe
“Cigars, cigarettes, condoms . . . wigs?” Any BAFTA telecast is bound to produce a few of those D-list British celebs whose notoriety extends only as far as the White Cliffs of Dover. This would be one of them. This should be another one . . .

Fascist? Oh, you meant Fashion.
Sienna Miller in Vintage Ungaro
When not busy getting jilted in favor of overweight servants, failing to ignite any interest in her acting career, or insulting host cities to her latest film project – Sienna “Why am I famous?” Miller enjoys hiding in her grandmother’s portieres and rubbing her head with a balloon. We cannot possibly waste any more energy in mocking a woman who clearly is not the least bit concerned with her appearance. Yes, we know she is the “darling” of the British fashionistas and we don’t care. Since when did the British have a good sense of judgment? Two words: Neville Chamberlain.

Now look what you’ve gone and done, you tasteless tramp! You’ve upset our Jakey! Cheer up, Jake. Look who’s arrived!

“Can’t Get You Out of My Breast”
Kylie Minogue in a custom made Dolce & Gabbana frock with hand embroidered details
You know you’re definitely at the BAFTAs when Kylie Minogue gets the biggest ovation of the night! Movies, schmovies IT’S KYLIE!!!!! Well, that’s alright. We kind of love this trollop ourselves. She sure knows how to work a ramp, we’ll tell you. Watching her descend that ridiculously raked entrance was a lesson in star quality! We’ll forgiver her for her fashion choice, in observance of her brave and successful battle over cancer recently. Although, we might point out that somebody who has come back from the brink, so to speak, might want to avoid hand embroidered couture mini-dresses. Vegas-Flashy and Underage-Asian-Sweatshop-Labor detailing do not necessarily mesh well with “Brave Cancer Survivor on the Comeback Trail”. Just saying.

And Speaking of Gay Icons . . .
My How They Grow Up!
Jamie Bell, who won the Best Actor BAFTA in 2001 for his bravura adolescent turn in "Billy Elliot" will be 21 years old on March 14th of this year, so you can all finally stop looking at us with that withering judgmental glare. You know the one.

We get it, this is “The Aftermath”.
Toni Collette in Max Azria with Chopard jewels!
Now, we can go with the shimmering quality and even the take-no-prisoners décolletage, but it’s all about the drape for us! Unless, that dress is literally meant to represent a Tsunami with the foamy crescent dangling across your backside, we’re not going for it. It’s too “Atlantic City Mafia Wedding" for us. Toni, you can do better. TRY!!

The Golden Plunger Award
Thandie Newton in Giles with Solange Azagury-Partridge jewels
Now listen, Thandie. Yes, you’re a beautiful young lady. Yes, this look does scream: “At least, I made an attempt!” To which, we are thankful. We like the fact it fits you well, it is dramatic and you certainly took more than one second to comb your hair and do your makeup (we’re still looking at you, Sienna Miller!), but honestly – the mermaid dress! Again! This must stop.

Lady of the Rings? We’re not ready for that sequel . . .
Dame Judi Dench
Unless Peter Jackson is indeed casting septuagenarians with Dame Commander of the British Empire status for another Hobbit flick, this dress is an extraordinarily poor choice for a woman shaped like an anvil. Either that, or the circus is in town. No, that can’t be it. What would a midget be doing on the BAFTA red carpet?

Spoke too soon . . .
Abigail Breslin
This child will never make it in this industry if she continues to dress like a Kleenex® dispenser.

CLASS? Oh, you meant Klass.
Myleene Klass in one of Lola Falana’s hand-me-downs
We understand she’s very talented. We also understand it must have been very cold on the red carpet last night. Slap a little gaffer’s tape over the pencil erasers, Myleene. You’re gonna hurt someone.

Security Breach!
Who the bloody hell invited Joey Heatherton? What? Apparently that’s some twaddle named Sarah Harding. No, we have no idea. Moving on.

Given the option of Joan & Melissa Rivers or Ryan Seacrest . . .
We’ll pick that nutjob loudmouth Ruby Wax any day!
This ex-pat comedienne with all the tact of a Sherman tank has left celebs gaping and alternately howling at her antics. Which seem to include a proclivity for airing out her aging cooter. And wearing Mukluks. Alright, nobody ever said she was known for her sense of style.

And Speaking of Style . . .
License to Thrill!
Daniel Craig and some hussy paying homage to “Goldfinger”
This humpy slice of beefcake has clearly arrived! Hopefully into our waiting arms. Don’t feel too badly for our Danny-boy. He may have lost the Best Actor prize to Forest Whitaker, but his long deserved day in the spotlight ensures that he will return to a BAFTA stage and theatre near you soon. If he can escape our cunning trap we’ve laid for him. We’re not at liberty to divulge the specifics, suffice to say it involves wrist restraints, an open bar and copious amounts of Astroglide®.

See, now that makes Jake happy again! Next Awards stop, the Independent Spirit Awards and then, the industry’s Big Night! Pip, pip, cheerio and all that rot! Bless you all!

The 60th Annual Orange British Academy Awards List of Winners:

Best Film – The Queen
The David Lean Award for Achievement in Direction –
Paul Greengrass for United 93
The Alexander Korda Award for the Outstanding British Film of the Year – The Last King of Scotland
Best Actress in a Leading Role – Helen Mirren for The Queen
Best Actor in a Leading Role – Forest Whitaker for The Last King of Scotland
Best Actress in a Supporting Role – Jennifer Hudson for Dreamgirls
Best Actor in a Supporting Role – Alan Arkin for Little Miss Sunshine
Best Original Screenplay – Michael Arndt for Little Miss Sunshine
Best Adapted Screenplay – Peter Morgan & Jeremy Brock for The Last King of Scotland
Best Film Not in the English Language – Pan’s Labyrinth
Best Animated Feature Film – Happy Feet
The Carl Foreman Award for Special Achievement by a British Director, Writer or Producer in their First Feature Film – Andrea Arnold (Director) for Red Road
Best Cinematography – Emmanuel Lubezki for Children of Men
Best Editing – United 93
Best Costume Design – Pan’s Labyrinth
Best Production Design – Children of Men
The Anthony Asquith Award for Achievement in Film Music – Gustavo Santaolalla for Babel
Best Sound - Casino Royale
Best Achievement in Special Visual Effects – Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest
Best Make Up & Hair – Pan’s Labyrinth
Best Short Animation Film – Guy 101
Best Short Film – Do Not Erase
The Orange Rising Star Award – Eva Green
The Academy Fellowship – Anne V. Coates
The Michael Balcon Award for Outstanding British Contribution to Cinema – Nick Daubeny

The Ten Best Films of 2006 - (Year End Round-up, Pt.1)

2007-02-09T11:36:00.000-08:00

The Ten Best Films of 2006 - (Year End Round-up, Pt. 1)

We know, we know. You have anxiously been awaiting our Ten Best Films list for 2006. Well, it’s here. So stop complaining. Jeez. We must say that unlike last year, we had quite the devilish time narrowing down our final list. We enjoyed many flicks this past year, with an unbelievable amount of Foreign Language Films trampling over each other to gain access into our coveted group. We almost said: “Screw the American directors; we’re going with those crafty Foreigners!” Still, they managed to acquit themselves quite well with a strong finish.

In composing a list of what we consider to be the Best Films of the Year, we always rely on the same criteria. First, we have to think the films are uniformly fine across the boards: Directing, Acting, Writing, Production Values, etc. Secondly, while we may find the subject matter off putting (You’ll understand in a minute.), it has to be a film that absolutely held us captivated throughout its playing time. And finally, it usually boils down to the director for us. If there is not a strong directorial vision behind the proceedings, we simply cannot label that film one of the year’s best.

So, that being said, we applaud the creators of some of the more memorable films of the year even if they didn’t make our final cut. Cheers and champagne to the men and women who brought us: “Tristram Shandy: A Cock & Bull Story”, “Bubble”, “L’Enfant”, “The Notorious Bettie Page”, “Brick”, “La Moustache”, “The Proposition”, “The Departed”, “The Queen”, “La demoiselle d’honneur”, “The Last King of Scotland”, “49 Up”, “Gabrielle”, “Les temps qui changent” and “Vers le sud”.

Still, attempting to adhere to the standard requirements of a "Top Ten" list left us feeling supremely aggravated that we couldn't squeeze in two more:

Almost making our final cut was the Cinéma vérité splendors to be found in “The Death of Mr. Lazarescu”.

And the deliriously romantic “Three Times”. Both films are not to be missed, and you should drop whatever it is you’re doing and run out and see them! Now! Without further ado, our Ten Best Films of 2006! (Please click on the title for links to our full reviews.)

10. “United 93” – Well, it had to happen. Hollywood had to take a cinematic gander at the grotesque brutalities that occurred one September morning in 2001. This year brought us Oliver Stone’s monumentally sugary and overbaked “World Trade Center” and its antithesis, our number ten flick: “United 93”. Unsparing in its ability to juggle the brutal, sensationalistic and emotionally devastating finale this film is a modern masterpiece on attempting a “Docudrama”. While many will quibble or complain about writer / director Paul Greengrass’ fidelity to the actual final moments aboard the doomed flight, we applaud his sense of dispassionate control. For he obviously knows what Oliver Stone never did – emotions are more honestly earned when you do not pander to your audience.

9. “Le temps qui reste” / “Time to Leave” – François Ozon's haunting tale of one man’s self exploration while the clock ticks away rapidly on his young life. What could have been supremely sappy or altogether miserable in execution is filled with crisp filmmaking, deservedly earned emotions and a cool reserve that help carry it through to its poignantly elegiac ending. While many might be turned off by its subject matter, they would be foolish to miss out on such an intelligent and visceral film experience. With the added benefit of la grande dame Jeanne Moreau's lovely supporting turn!

8. “INLAND EMPIRE” – David Lynch’s maddening, opaque, erotically charged and mystifying sojourn into the fractured psyche of an actress who falls into the rabbit hole of her nightmares. Anchored by Laura Dern’s brilliant performance, we were absolutely riveted throughout its lengthy playing time and completely forgiving of its slight meanderings due to Lynch’s commitment to his own film language. Frustrating? Yes. Mesmerizing? Always. Brilliant? We think so. So there.

7. “Babel” – Director Alejandro González Iñárritu’s global hodgepodge dealing with amongst other things, the separation anxiety of miscommunication in the communication age. The visual agility and dramatic flare that González Iñárritu instills in his films is breathtaking. His ability to handle complicated and weighted multi storylines is unparalleled. Every actor in the piece, professional and amateur has been judiciously selected to breathe life into the fascinated characters from around the globe.

Whew! Lovely. Planes hijacked by fundamentalist terrorists, a young man’s dying days, a schizophrenic breakdown and four bleakly intertwining stories . . . good times at the movies in 2006, huh? Patience, dear readers, patience.

6. “Volver” – At this point, Pedro Almodóvar can do no wrong. The mighty Iberian master of mise en scène returns (!) with a rollicking comedy of manners focusing on a quintet of women who must learn to deal with some very stubborn ghosts, both real and imagined. His candy colored playground has never looked more luscious and his leading ladies justifiably shared the top acting honors at the Cannes Film Festival. Standouts include the brilliant Carmen Maura making her own return to Pedro’s playground and Penélope Cruz in a career altering performance that proves her acting mettle. Bravo, Pedro, Bravo!

5. “El Laberinto del fauno” / “Pan’s Labyrinth” – A dark, menacing, magical and entrancing fable come to life. Guillermo del Toro has finally been recognized for his visionary and textually opulent filmmaking. Is he indeed the next great genre director? He certainly has our vote. And if he can continue to churn out his ghostly tales with the same skill and storytelling abilities that he displays in this wicked gem, we will be fans for life.

4. “Children of Men” – The third Mexican Auteur to hit the theatre patrons between the eyes with their daring do, is still the best. Our beloved Alfonso Cuarón turns sci-fi on its ear with his unbelievably taught and anxiety ridden dash through a decaying urban maze. This movie should be screened in Film 101 Classes the world over to instruct the next generation on the proper method to mine the most cinematic gold out of worn concept. Yes, we’ve seen plenty of post-Apocalyptic futures in the movies, but none told as brilliantly as this.

3. “Flags of Our Fathers” / “Letters from Iwo Jima” – No, we are not cheating and trying to sneak in an extra movie. (Like last year. So sue us.) These flipside flicks had the audacity to examine a war we all thought was noble, and expose the brutal savagery and manipulative theatrics that lay underneath.

While “Flags of Our Fathers” was a fine expansion and critique on the “Heroic G.I.” film mythology – it was “Letters from Iwo Jima” that reached for the unsparing passion and haunting poetry of the casualties of war. Viewed together, they are a monumental moviegoing achievement helmed by that cowboy with a heart of a poet – Clint Eastwood.

Patience? You think domestic violence, child abuse, the death of the human race and two war films where barely anybody is left standing is an improvement??? Okay, fine. Here you go, the top two films of 2006:

2. “Marie Antoinette” – What a joyous time we had bathing in the opulent lifestyle at the court of Louis XIV and his paramour, the misaligned and mythologized Marie Antoinette. But who would have guessed that Sofia Coppola would cut through the brocade wallpaper to reveal the mercurial splendor of a young girl who suddenly finds herself amidst the bitchiest power struggle this side of your typical suburban high school cafeteria. It played like an unimaginably witty and well crafted lost hybrid film: one part John Hughes and one part Francis Ford Coppola. (Which is only a comparison to Hughes’ youthful viewpoint and Coppola senior’s visual storytelling skills, but make no mistake; Sofia is very much her own stylist.) A gem from the opening shot to the tremulously emotional ending.

And finally, to cap off our list of depressing . . . er, brilliant filmmaking, a light hearted look at death. Honestly!

1. “A Prairie Home Companion” – We absolutely loved the time we spent with Robert Altman, Garrison Keillor and their insanely talented bunch of actors that charmed the pants off of us. When we saw this film last summer, we adored it and practically begged everybody within earshot to run and see it. When Robert Altman passed away in the fall, we went back to visit his final film and were thunderstruck at the emotional resonance his death imbued his swansong with. Now, one cannot help but be even more moved at his delicate hand in crafting this wistful, funny, touching farewell to an era that has faded away into the ether. No other director in recent memory loved actors as much as Altman did, and how fitting that his grand finale is the best tribute the old lion could give to his performers and his craft. A gem that we feel doubly honored to have experienced so close to his farewell.

And to those that asked, here are the films we disliked the most. The films that made us want to cry for their lack of creativity, artistry and talent. In short, buswrecks:

The Ten Worst Films of 2006

10. “V for Vendetta” – A science fiction film for people who consider Playstation® to be the embodiment of cinema.

9. “Friends With Money” – If a movie can be said to be completely without form nor function, this would be it. A masturbatory screenplay that delves into the paper thin psyche of a batch of bored spoiled housewives and considers the questioning of a man’s sexuality as comic gold to be mined ad nauseam. Wrong on every count.

8. “The Break-up” – Once upon a time, Hollywood movies thrived on witty repartee between bickering couples as they explored their relationships with humor and honest emotions. That time is officially over.

7. “X-Men: The Last Stand” – The final word on the matter of size. It doesn’t matter.

6. “The Da Vinci Code” – How to suck a tired overwrought concept completely out of any creative juices, or the main reason Tom Hanks should retire permanently. Yesterday.

5. “Shortbus” – Years ago, a great director was asked about the craft of film directing. He said that casting was the biggest percentage of a director’s job, and if he got that right, the rest was gravy. In that case, whatever percentage that John Cameron Mitchell had left to play with after casting the worst bunch of rank-amateur-reality-TV-porn-star-wannabes wasn’t worth even one percent of our time. Naming it “Shortbus” is offensive to the intelligence level of the ‘Tards that actually ride shortbuses.

4. “Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest” – The worst movie sequel since the fourth “Jaws”.

3. “Miami Vice” – The death knoll of big screen adaptations of recherché television shows of the past that belong in syndication or in the trashbin of history. Michael Mann better come up with something great for his next outing, or he is officially as dead to us as the litter of corpses found in the overblown finale to this piece of tripe.

2. “Dreamgirls” – An 80s music video homage to moviemaking by committee. Not an ounce of thought or emotion has gone into this larger than bloated recreation of an already featherweight Broadway musical that deserved to be remembered and never revived. To say that Eddie Murphy steals the show by recreating old SNL routines and that “American Idiot” failed contestant Jennifer “Sheneneh” Hudson doesn’t completely embarrass herself in her latex level emotional complexity is the best we can offer. Other than our sincere condolences.

And finally, the Worst Film of 2006 is:

1. “The Fountain” – The most aggravatingly futile attempt to wax poetic on the mystery to life. “Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest” was more philosophical, “X-Men: The Last Stand" was more romantic. We will say that watching Hugh Jackman perform fellatio on a tree trunk was only slightly gayer than the boys in “Shortbus”, but only by a skootch. One to avoid like an open herpes sore.

Coming soon, our favorite performances of the year! Bless you all!

The 13th Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards - Fashion & Film Review

2007-01-29T09:53:00.000-08:00

13th Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards
January 28, 2007 at the Shrine Auditorium

In 1933, at the height of the Great Depression, and boy were we depressed, a group of actors got a bug up their collective asses regarding the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences, who were wielding a tad too much power over their contract negotiations between producers and artists. Basically, they said enough was enough and formed their own union, and with the backing of some of Hollywood’s most prominent and respected thespians formed the nascent Screen Actor’s Guild. Over sixty years later, they finally got their shit together to start presenting annual awards recognizing each other for the fine work they do. Nobody ever said unions worked quickly. Sheesh.

And so now, here we are at the 13th Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards held last night at the lovely Shrine Auditorium! And aired live on the TBS / TNT stations. Thud. No wonder we were the only viewers in this hemisphere. So, lucky for you dear readers we are here to tell you that absolutely no surprises happened last night and everybody who has been winning an award this season pretty much won another one. Which is not a bad thing when it comes to the talented Helen Mirren and Forest Whitaker. Okay, so maybe it’s a bad thing when it comes to Jennifer Hudson and Eddie Murphy. But let’s skip that part for now, and take a gander at the real shock of the night – the fashions!

While we still abhor the latest “Drape Yourself in White / Nude” look that seems to be sweeping Hollywood faster than a stay in rehab, we were more than pleasantly surprised to see that some of the gals who had previously been scaring the living shit out of us, had managed to pull their act together. Case in point!

Back on the Line!
Reese Witherspoon in Nina Ricci and a pair of kicky Christian Louboutin heels!
Everybody stop what they’re doing, put down that cocktail / beer / coffee / rubbing alcohol and pay attention! Our faithful readers will remember that despite our strong admiration for Miss Witherspoon’s acting talent, we have been consistently and horribly disappointed at her fashion choices for walking the red carpet. From her frowsy Mamie Eisenhower look at last years Oscars, to her hand me down ill fitting cocktail dresses to her recent Starburst® Yellow atrocity at this years Globes. Well, we are here to tell you that for the first time in a very long time, Miss Witherspoon is NOT headlining our Worst Dressed List! No, kids, she finally has found an outfit, that while it certainly won’t rate her the most stunning woman of the night, we whole heartedly and blissfully approve of!

What is happening! The gals are really pulling it together!

There She Is!
Vanessa Williams in Pamela Rowland
Stepping out of the 19th century whore drag replete with dead mammal she sported at the Globes, she is positively glowing in a baby blue simple frock from Pamela Rowland. Slap on a pair of complimentary earrings, and let the hair escape from under the hurricane hairdon’t – and Miss Williams is back on top!

Out of the Trailer Park and Onto the Red Carpet!
Jaime Pressly in Badgley Mischka
You know, sometimes the trashy girls really surprise us. This would be one of those times. Jaime Pressly who was rightfully nominated for her take-no-prisoners comic turn in “My Name is Earl” looked lovely, and radiant. Blame the thug on the right for the bun in the microwave – but she was working the red carpet in full parturient splendor!

We’ll Give Her 24 Minutes Before We Pull the Cord
Kim Raver in Kevan Hall
“Tea cozy, tea cozy, who’s got my tea cozy?”

Cutting Her a Lot of Slack!
Mariska Hargitay in Carolina Herrara
Probably still recovering from her humongous baby’s birth last summer, and being the daughter of one of our fave Hollywood Sex Sirens – we’ll let this one go. As should she.

Portrait of a Towering Housewife
Brenda Strong
This cheeky Amazon had the temerity to tell Ryan Seacrest during the preshow that her frock was inspired by the famed John Singer Sargent painting, known widely as “Madame X”. Poor thing had no idea she was wasting her breath since the walking highlight-applicator had never heard of Sargent or “Madame X”. He misunderstood and was heard to shriek: “Sargent?! Oooooo, is he in the military? I love a man in uniform.”

Here We Go Again - One Grecian Urn!
Julia Louis Dreyfus in Carolina Herrera
Better than the last frock she wore to the Globes, but still.

Two Grecian Urns . . .
Katherine Heigl
Working the whole glam thing, and you know what for a young TV starlet she manages to pull it together quite well. Yes, it’s a little too Vintage Beauty Pageant, but we’ll let it slide.

And the Big Finale!
Cate Blanchett in Giorgio Armani
Alright, if you have to go with that whole draping, flowing, Dean Martin’s Golddiggers kind of look, this would be our choice. Honestly, darling. Gold? On your white as lard skin? Okay, A bit too waterfally for our taste, but we do adore this classy and extremely talented lass from Down Under. The whispy hair with the flyaway tendrils is getting on our last plucked nerve – God willing this trend will pass before the Oscars.

“Hey, Big Spendor!”
Heather Graham
In Oscar de la Renta’s tribute to “Sweet Charity” replete with a pair of Versace-let-me-lap-dance-over-you-‘cause-I’m-a-dimestore-whore looking pair of hooves.

“Spend a Little Time With Me!”
Ryan Gosling with some two dollar whore . . . what? Excuse us? No, that can’t possibly be Rachel McAdams, could it? Even that half-wit wouldn’t dress like a two year old with a pair of Barbie® pumps and show up with hair that looks like she slept in her own vomit after a night of drinking Pink Ladies, would she? She would.

As Bad As We Remember
Helen Hunt slowly disappearing into the ether in a fleshbag colored schmatta. Go ahead and vanish you tired relic from the 90s. We liked you once. On “The Bionic Woman”, when you were ten years old. And never since.

Transamerica Was LAST Year!
Felicity Huffman in Moschino
What in the hell? You play one tranny, cop a few awards and it all goes back to rack in ruin, doesn’t it. We have no idea what happened to Felicity Huffman last night, she was looking surprisingly put together at the Globes, and now this Widow’s Weeds silhouette from 1959 coupled with a miserably failed attempt at a chignon which she has apparently stapled to her earlobe.

Flavorless Flave
Ellen Pompeo in Lanvin
This is what a toothpick would look like sporting a Hubcab or Victorian Bell Pull.

Marionette Sheridan
Nicolette Sheridan in Collette Dinnigan
Poor, poor Miss Sheridan. This is actually the only way she can ambulate down the red carpet of life. One too many nips, tucks, pulls and soldering experiences has left the poor thing with the body alignment of . . . well, a marionette. (Can’t you people read?) Rumor has it; she has to sneeze to take a dump. We know, we don’t want to think about it either. Moving on.

Ugly is I-N!

America Ferrara who is sporting Badgley Mischka, and mastering the art of making a silk purse out of a sows ear. Yes that was a back handed compliment. Deal with it.

The Nasty Professor
Outstanding Performance to a Male Actor in a Supporting Role (Whew!) winner Eddie Murphy and his Outstanding Transformation by a Male Hustler in Female Drag / Date for the night. His date’s real name is Ramon Estevez (No relation to Emilio) who works the corner of Santa Monica and La Cienega Blvd. That Ramon, let us tell you, he’s a hard worker. He could suck the varnish off a banister with those collagen bloated lips! (Not that we would know from personal experience, we prefer our men a tad manlier.)

Speaking of which . . .
Michael C. Hall
The former fagaleh / mortician from “Six Feet Under” is now wowing the critics and all three regular viewers by playing another outcast from society, a serial killer / forensics expert in “Dexter”. On Showtime. Go figure, so edgy that cable channel. We’d still let him tie us up and slap us around for awhile, but we draw the line at actual instruments of torture. Okay, maybe a ball gag, but that’s it!

The Demented
Mark Wahlberg in Giorgio Armani
A. Stop chewing gum – spit it out – you’re on camera! And B. We’re happy you were nominated for an Oscar, but get some perspective, Marky Mark! He had the nerve to say it was his “First Oscar Nomination”, as if there will be others. Puh-lease. For what? “Planet of the Apes Pt 2”? And for the Oscars, we recommend he wear this ensemble, it shows off his real talents.

And We Are Telling You We Don’t Give a Shit!
Jennifer Hudson in Michael Kors
This beaded frock is way too Margaret Dumont for our tastes. Matronly on a gal so, how shall we say it . . . F-A-T!! It does fit her well, and her stylist should be given an Award for finding the extra large whale bone corset that helps considerably, but that neckline is not flattering to the big boned gals. Her boobs were well under control in her Globes frock, but here they’re just listless and drooping and spreading to the far reaches of the galaxy. All in all, we wish she would just go away and that the Academy would hand the Oscar over to Abigail Breslin or Cate Blanchett, actresses that actually deserve it. (We can dream, can’t we?)

And Speaking of the Diminutive Dynamo . . .
Abigail Breslin in some Gypsy Garb and Jimmy Choo’s?
We love her, more than her overpraised movie. She absolutely slew us last night when she revealed she had lip gloss and cookies in her purse. We hope she beats the oversized skirt off of Jennifer Hudson at the Oscars.

Wicked!
Dame Helen Mirren in Morgane Le Fay (How apropos)
Helen Mirren looking appropriately glamorous and stately in a draped midnight blue ensemble. You know what, its fine. It ain’t gonna win any awards for her, unlike her competition quashing performance in “The Queen”. But, hey. We’re thrilled there was no veiled hat with matching gloves atrocity.

Being Baked Would Explain This . . .
Mary Louise Parker in J. Mendel and Neil Lane
Such a talented lady. Attractive too. Not tonight. In theory. What is this? Seriously? She resembles one of those decorative paper caps you place on a rack of lamb.

Moving Target
Sandra Oh in Giorgio Armani
Where do we begin? She can spin around till her head pops off, but this dress is doing nothing for her. Although we are grateful for the bullseye on her sternum, helps tremendously in lining up our shot.

Best Excuse for Stronger Immigration Laws
Eva Longoria in Vera Wang
This useless puta had the nerve to say that she didn’t “Put much thought into” choosing her gowns. NO! Really? Could have fooled us. Unless “Lopped off at the knees” is the “New Black” this season, somebody needs to put this tired twat out of our misery. And we mean NOW!

The 2nd Best Excuse for Stronger Immigration Laws
Sara Ramirez in BCBG Max Azria
Listen, girly, when you are shaped like a Dreidel, you might want to avoid gathering your skirt into your generous waistband. Just a thought. No need to thank us.

Am I Late?
Marcia Gay Harden
Hey, do you remember that horrible story of that girl that gave birth at her prom, killed the baby and went back to the dance floor? This is her.

Ground Control to Major Tom
Jeremy Irons in that damn frockcoat look he’s so fond of. Fucking ponce.

And We’ve Reached Our Limit!
Rinko Kikuchi, who absolutely charmed us at in her multi Award nominated turn for “Babel” has managed in the past few weeks to completely steal the “Dress Like a Retard” spotlight from every other gal in town! Now, that is a rare combination of talent, absolutely no fashion sense and a commitment to offending the viewing public that we just have to stand up and cheer!

And speaking of which, we did enjoy watching the SAG’s, if for nothing else than to watch the original cast of “The Mary Tyler Moore Show” emerge from their mausoleum in time to bring the audience to its feet, delivering the biggest and heartiest standing ovation we have seen in many a moon. What a grand tribute to the sitcom of all sitcoms. We were thrilled that they got the opportunity to present the Best Ensemble in a Comedy Series to the best of the nominees, the cast from “The Office”. The little show that somehow managed to buck the odds by adapting the already brilliant British comic gem, and turned it into their own.

Kudos to them, and to Dame Helen’s two wins and to Forest Whitaker (Please GOD, memorize an acceptance speech for the Oscars, will you?) and the rest. Full list of winners listed below. Bless you all!

13TH ANNUAL SCREEN ACTORS GUILD AWARDS®

THEATRICAL MOTION PICTURES
Outstanding Performance by a Male Actor in a Leading Role
Forest Whitaker for THE LAST KING OF SCOTLAND
Outstanding Performance by a Female Actor in a Leading Role
Helen Mirren for THE QUEEN
Outstanding Performance by a Male Actor in a Supporting Role
Eddie Murphy for DREAMGIRLS
Outstanding Performance by a Female Actor in a Supporting Role
Jennifer Hudson for DREAMGIRLS
Outstanding Performance by a Cast in a Motion Picture
LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE
Alan Arkin
Abigail Breslin
Steve Carell
Toni Collette
Paul Dano
Greg Kinnear

PRIMETIME TELEVISION
Outstanding Performance by a Male Actor in a Television Movie or Miniseries
Jeremy Irons for ELIZABETH I
Outstanding Performance by a Female Actor in a Television Movie or Miniseries
Helen Mirren for ELIZABETH I
Outstanding Performance by a Male Actor in a Drama Series
Hugh Laurie for HOUSE
Outstanding Performance by a Female Actor in a Drama Series
Chandra Wilson for GREY’S ANATOMY
Outstanding Performance by a Male Actor in a Comedy Series
Alec Baldwin for 30 ROCK
Outstanding Performance by a Female Actor in a Comedy Series
America Ferrera for UGLY BETTY
Outstanding Performance by an Ensemble in a Drama Series
GREY’S ANATOMY
Justin Chambers
Eric Dane
Patrick Dempsey
Katherine Heigl
T.R. Knight
Sandra Oh
James Pickens, Jr.
Ellen Pompeo
Sara Ramirez
Kate Walsh
Isaiah Washington
Chandra Wilson
Outstanding Performance by an Ensemble in a Comedy Series
THE OFFICE
Leslie David Baker
Brian Baumgartner
Steve Carell
David Denman
Jenna Fischer
Kate Flannery
Melora Hardin
Mindy Kaling
Angela Kinsey
John Krasinski
Paul Lieberstein
B.J. Novak
Oscar Nunez
Phyllis Smith
Rainn Wilson
Screen Actors Guild Awards 43rd Annual Life Achievement Award

(Yes, we know that it was the 13th Annual SAG Awards, but they've been giving out the Lifetime Achievement Award since 1962! Go yell at them, not us.)
Julie Andrews