Tuesday, January 31, 2006

The 78th Annual Academy Award Nominations - Our Reaction

The Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences
78th Annual Academy Awards Nominations

Well, they’re here! The Official Nominations for the 78th Annual Academy Awards! We forced ourselves up at the crack of dawn to witness the announcement brought to us by Sid Ganis, the president of the Academy and Oscar winner Mira Sorvino. (Nice to see you still breathing, now get a real script will ya honey?)

We still remember where we were in 1927 when the Academy first formed. We were busing tables at The Cocoanut Grove, dreaming of the big time when Al Gore would invent the internet and we could start The Bloody Red Carpet for our legions of fans to tune into and relish. Oh, the Oscars! How they've grown from a small industry cocktail gathering to such a worldwide event, and in only seventy eight brief years!

On to the nominations! Those boys, you know of whom we speak. Those rascally cowpokes rode away with the most nominations in this banner year of honoring “small”, “Independent” flicks. And “Munich”. Whatever. We’re not going to fall into that camp of fools and know nothings that act shocked when the Academy chooses to nominate films that don’t reek of “Blockbuster.” As if the moviegoing public actually has discriminating tastes. “Hostel” anyone? We’re feeling fairly hostile at a couple of the nominations, but on the whole, the Academy has done good this year.

As we mentioned, “Brokeback Mountain” scored eight nominations including Best Motion Picture, Best Actor, Best Supporting Actor, Best Supporting Actress, Best Director and Best Adapted Screenplay. Whew! Not bad for the closeted ranchers! Although, we protest the lack of a Best Original Song nomination for the lovely ballad “A Love That Will Never Grow Old” – sung by one of our favorites, Emmylou Harris. (We’ll have to make due with singing along to Dolly Parton’s “Tranny Ode” and the ever catchy "It's Hard Out Here For a Pimp" from “Hustle & Flow” – everybody, whup yo bitch and sing along!)


Good Night, and Good Luck.” scored six nominations, including two for our pal George Clooney, who also landed a Best Supporting Actor nod for his fatty turn in “Syriana.” For those keeping track, namely us – this places George on a very tiny pedestal in Oscar history for a select few actors who have scored multiple nominations in acting, writing and directing in the same year. George, take your place behind Orson Welles, Woody Allen, that nutjob Roberto Benigni and Warren Beatty (who managed that feat twice! The little Tramp himself, Charles Chaplin was denied such an honor the very first Awards ceremony when his name was taken out of competition and awarded a "Special Award" for "writing, acting, directing and producing 'The Circus.' The collective accomplishments thus displayed place you in a class by yourself.") Although it marks the first time ever for a performer to score three nods for more than one film in the same year. We’re not sure if that’s more or less impressive, who cares – kudos to our pal, Georgey Peorgey!

Crash” and “Memoirs of a Geisha” both scored six nominations, with “Crash” bullying and whining its way to nods for Best Motion Picture, Best Director, Best Original Screenplay and Best Supporting Actor for Matt Dillon. Thud. Goes to show you that whitey has a lot of guilt about treating minorities like shit. Slavery, anyone? Remember that? And speaking of indentured servitude, “Memoirs of a Whore blessedly received their multi-nominations in the technical categories. We would not have minded if Gong Li or Michelle Yeoh had scored Best Supporting Actress nods, but we are so thrilled that it failed to receive any major nominations – we’re fine with it dominating the smaller categories. Seems appropriate - like binding small feet. You connect the dots.

The excellent “Capote” and the almost excellent “Munich” rounded out the Best Motion Picture category and both scored five nominations overall. “Capote” is of course vying with “Brokeback Mountain” for the Best Actor prize, and we think . . . . . WAIT JUST A DAMN MINUTE!!!!!! Hold the olive, clutch the martini and slap the hag!

Our boyfriend Terrence Howard scored a Best Actor nod for the wonderful “Hustle & Flow”!!!!!!!!! Huzzah! Now if we can just convince the Academy to bump off Matt Dillon’s nomination in favor of his castmate Terrence’s for the overblown “Crash”, we’d be elated!

Also scoring five nominations was the popular biopic of Johnny Cash and June Carter Cash, “Walk the Line” which scored big with nods for Reese Witherspoon and Joaquin Phoenix for their lead turns. Thankfully, it too was shut out of the Best Picture race. We adored Reese and Joaquin and are keeping our fingers crossed for Reese to win, but the film was merely a polished run of the mill biopic and not a great film, certainly not deserving of the top nomination.

We now turn to our Best and Worst nominations of the day. The Best nomination was hands down for William Hurt’s brilliant, virtuoso supporting performance in “A History of Violence”. We are so crossing our pinkies for our boy Bill to win his second Oscar for his tour-de-force turn. Welcome back, you talented former hottie - we're so happy for you, we'd give you at least a handjob even though you are no longer the man of our dreams.

And by far and away, the Worst nomination this morning was for twenty year old Keira Knightley, who galloped her slack jawed horsey self thru the middling adaptation of “Pride & Prejudice.” We understand fully that the Academy has been desperate to anoint young actresses with their top prize ever since their beginnings, but choosing to honor Miss Knightley for her amateur line readings and limited dramatic skills ranks as one of their classic mistakes. For shame!

We understand that this might not have been the year for actresses, but we would rather have seen such previous Oscar nominees as Joan Allen, Liv Ullmann, Julianne Moore, Patricia Clarkson, Juliette Binoche or Naomi Watts score a nod for their wonderful work this past year than this British bint. Hell, the L.A. Critic’s pick, Vera Farmiga displayed far more talent and fire in her performance than Miss Knightley seems capable of in her entire lifespan. Yes, we feel that strongly against this young slag. So there.

Whew!! We’re going to close up with some shout outs to the nominees we loved this year: Brava and Bravo to Amy Adams, Catherine Keener, Frances McDormand, Michelle Williams, Felicity Huffman, Charlize Theron, David Strathairn, Paul Giamatti, the Cowboys and Woody Allen who earned his twenty first nomination for his Original Screenplay for the lovely “Match Point.”

Of course with all their scattering of the goods this year, they could have fucking found some spots for “The New World”, “Millions” and “Last Days” – all of which deserve to be nominated. And if anybody still thinks that Paul Haggis did a better job in directing “Crash” than Terrence Malick, Gus Van Sant, Ingmar Bergman or Peter Jackson’s work this year, we can only hope they get carjacked and left dead by the side of the road. So there. Nyah. Full list follows, Bless you all!

(Side note: Rumor has it the Academy is sending us some secret "Gay" message with their latest commemorative poster above - we don't know why anyone would think that a pair of burly hands wrapped tightly around a thirteen inch shaft of pure gold could ever read as "Gay". Weird.)

And the nominees are:

BEST MOTION PICTURE OF THE YEAR
BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN
CAPOTE
CRASH
GOOD NIGHT, AND GOOD LUCK.
MUNICH

PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A LEADING ROLE
Judi Dench - MRS. HENDERSON PRESENTS
Felicity Huffman - TRANSAMERICA
Keira Knightley - PRIDE & PREJUDICE
Charlize Theron - NORTH COUNTRY
Reese Witherspoon - WALK THE LINE

PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A SUPPORTING ROLE
Amy Adams - JUNEBUG
Catherine Keener - CAPOTE
Frances McDormand - NORTH COUNTRY
Rachel Weisz - THE CONSTANT GARDENER
Michelle Williams - BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN

PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A LEADING ROLE
Philip Seymour Hoffman - CAPOTE
Terrence Howard - HUSTLE & FLOW
Heath Ledger - BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN
Joaquin Phoenix - WALK THE LINE
David Strathairn - GOOD NIGHT, AND GOOD LUCK.

PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A SUPPORTING ROLE
George Clooney - SYRIANA
Matt Dillon - CRASH
Paul Giamatti - CINDERELLA MAN
Jake Gyllenhaal - BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN
William Hurt - A HISTORY OF VIOLENCE

ACHIEVEMENT IN DIRECTING
BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN – Ang Lee
CAPOTE – Bennett Miller
CRASH – Paul Haggis
GOOD NIGHT, AND GOOD LUCK. – George Clooney
MUNICH – Stephen Spielberg

BEST FOREIGN LANGUAGE FILM OF THE YEAR
DON'T TELL - Italy
JOYEUX NOÈL - France
PARADISE NOW - Palestine
SOPHIE SCHOLL - THE FINAL DAYS - Germany
TSOTSI – South Africa

BEST ANIMATED FEATURE FILM OF THE YEAR
HOWL'S MOVING CASTLE
TIM BURTON'S CORPSE BRIDE
WALLACE & GROMIT IN THE CURSE OF THE WERE-RABBIT

ADAPTED SCREENPLAY
BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN – Larry McMurtry & Diana Ossana
CAPOTE – Dan Futterman
THE CONSTANT GARDENER – Jeffrey Caine
A HISTORY OF VIOLENCE – Josh Olson
MUNICH – Tony Kushner & Eric Roth

ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY
CRASH – Paul Haggis & Bobby Moresco; Story by Paul Haggis
GOOD NIGHT, AND GOOD LUCK. – George Clooney & Grant Heslov
MATCH POINT – Woody Allen
THE SQUID AND THE WHALE – Noah Baumbach
SYRIANA – Stephen Gaghan

ACHIEVEMENT IN FILM EDITING
CINDERELLA MAN
THE CONSTANT GARDENER
CRASH
MUNICH
WALK THE LINE

ACHIEVEMENT IN CINEMATOGRAPHY
BATMAN BEGINS
BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN
GOOD NIGHT, AND GOOD LUCK.
MEMOIRS OF A GEISHA
THE NEW WORLD

ACHIEVEMENT IN COSTUME DESIGN
CHARLIE AND THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY
MEMOIRS OF A GEISHA
MRS. HENDERSON PRESENTS
PRIDE & PREJUDICE
WALK THE LINE

ACHIEVEMENT IN ART DIRECTION
GOOD NIGHT, AND GOOD LUCK.
HARRY POTTER AND THE GOBLET OF FIRE
KING KONG
MEMOIRS OF A GEISHA
PRIDE & PREJUDICE

BEST DOCUMENTARY FEATURE
DARWIN'S NIGHTMARE
ENRON: THE SMARTEST GUYS IN THE ROOM
MARCH OF THE PENGUINS
MURDERBALL
STREET FIGHT

BEST DOCUMENTARY SHORT SUBJECT
THE DEATH OF KEVIN CARTER: CASUALTY OF THE BANG BANG CLUB
GOD SLEEPS IN RWANDA
THE MUSHROOM CLUB
A NOTE OF TRIUMPH: THE GOLDEN AGE OF NORMAN CORWIN

ACHIEVEMENT IN MAKEUP
THE CHRONICLES OF NARNIA: THE LION, THE WITCH AND THE WARDROBE CINDERELLA MAN
STAR WARS: EPISODE III REVENGE OF THE SITH

ACHIEVEMENT IN MUSIC WRITTEN FOR MOTION PICTURES - (ORIGINAL SCORE)
BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN
THE CONSTANT GARDENER
MEMOIRS OF A GEISHA
MUNICH
PRIDE & PREJUDICE

ACHIEVEMENT IN MUSIC WRITTEN FOR MOTION PICTURES - (ORIGINAL SONG)
"In the Deep" - CRASH
"It's Hard Out Here for a Pimp" - HUSTLE & FLOW
"Travelin' Thru" - TRANSAMERICA

BEST ANIMATED SHORT FILM
BADGERED
THE MOON AND THE SON: AN IMAGINED CONVERSATION
THE MYSTERIOUS GEOGRAPHIC EXPLORATIONS OF JASPER MORELLO
9
ONE MAN BAND

BEST LIVE ACTION SHORT FILM
AUSREISSER (THE RUNAWAY)
CASHBACK
THE LAST FARM
OUR TIME IS UP
SIX SHOOTER

ACHIEVEMENT IN SOUND EDITING
KING KONG
MEMOIRS OF A GEISHA
WAR OF THE WORLDS

ACHIEVEMENT IN SOUND MIXING
THE CHRONICLES OF NARNIA: THE LION, THE WITCH AND THE WARDROBE
KING KONG
MEMOIRS OF A GEISHA
WALK THE LINE
WAR OF THE WORLDS

ACHIEVEMENT IN VISUAL EFFECTS
THE CHRONICLES OF NARNIA: THE LION, THE WITCH AND THE WARDROBE
KING KONG
WAR OF THE WORLDS

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